"Sunny, why is it wrong for women to assert authority over men and is a woman sinning if she speaks at a women's conference and men show up?"

Desiring to be a good steward of the short time my Lord has appointed me on this earth, it seemed wiser to respond to the vast amount of emails and comments I've received by writing one article rather than trying to answer my readers individually on this particular topic. My prayer is that everyone who's already written as well as those who haven't but are wondering, might together, be encouraged by this article and the resources I'm happy to share.

Before I answer the above question, I want to clearly state that I am a complimentarian (theological view that men and women are equal in value before the sight of God and man, with differing roles within the home and church) and not an egalitarian (theological view that men and women have equal roles, i.e., ordain female pastors, elders, etc.).

"Let a woman learn quietly with all submissiveness. I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet. For Adam was formed first, then Eve; and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor."

~1 Timothy 2:11-14 (ESV)

God is a God of peace and order, not of chaos and confusion (1 Cor 14:33, 40). God has established every rule and authority that is in Heaven and on earth.

All that God created is good and beautiful, and though we live in a fallen world filled with sin, as God's beloved children, we are given a glorious gift in Christ: the ability to live as God wills and not as the depraved and our sinful flesh wills.

God established peaceful and orderly rule for the:

We see from the above Scripture references that the LORD established an order of authority even within Himself, the Godhead: Father, Son and the Holy Spirit. Though God is one God, revealed in three Persons and have the exact same nature, they have different roles. The Father commands and sends the Son, the Son obeys the Father and sends the Holy Spirit, and the Holy Spirit indwells believers, testifying to God—who is truth.

Therefore, if God has peace and order within Himself, why would He create anything without peace and order?

In 1 Timothy 2:11-14, I find it intriguing that God took the submission of women to male leadership all the way back to Genesis when Adam didn't lead Eve and allowed her to usurp his authority (and therefore, God's authority); bringing sin into the world. The woman, not the man, was recorded by God, as the first sinner. I find this intriguing because of the severity in which God compares a woman's refusal to submit under male authority within the church and her home, to the very first act of sin. Seeing the danger in usurping male leadership as God views it, every Christian woman should tremble as I do.

By God's wise and good design, He first created a man, but incomplete without a counterpart (so that he may not take pride thinking he is sufficient in himself). Then after the man Adam realized he was alone and was in need of a help-meet, the LORD created Eve from the man's rib so that she might always be by his side (like the rib, both delicate and strong; protecting man's heart and breath), doing him good and not harm all the days of her life (Prov 31:11-12).

Therefore, for a woman to speak at a woman's conference where men happen to show up is not a sin. For how can a woman be at fault before God or man for what man chooses to do from his own conscience? But if a woman accepts a speaking engagement before a mixed gender audience where she will be teaching from the Word of God, then by God's command and established order, she is in sin, for she is practicing authority over men.

Some people have argued, "But what if the men of the church give women permission to teach men and women?" To them I say, who is man, any man that he should have the audacity to disobey God's Word and reestablish peace and order according to himself? We must remember Paul's epistle to Timothy was written to a man, commanding men not to give authority to women over men. Therefore, any man who presumptuously gives women authority to teach men, is in sin. And any woman who obeys a man who allows them to sin (by teaching men) also sins...but she doesn't have to. Here, a woman is given the freedom in Christ to appropriate her God-given wisdom to say "No" to any man who tempts her to usurp God's ordained order for the church and her home.

"but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious...as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening."

~1 Peter 3:4, 6 (ESV)

When women choose to assert authority over men, they miss out on the beautiful protection from God and the lovely gift they can offer their husbands (or other male authority). Biblical submission is truly a gift from the Almighty for His precious creation—women. Let us not disdain it, but let us receive this gift from our Lord; desiring to be called daughters of Sarah who live by faith to please God, rather than live as daughters of Eve who first sinned against God.

Additional resources on biblical womanhood:

My Second Love: Biblical Submission and The Proverbs 31 Woman
Order In Creation - Ligonier Ministries Devotional
An Excellent Wife - Sermon by John MacArthur
The Role of Women in the Church, Part 1 - Sermon by Alistair Begg
The Role of Women in the Church, Part 2 - Sermon by Alistair Begg

Imagine being invited to a reconciliation meeting. You're excited to get some painful issues resolved in the love of Christ and arrive with great expectations. Then suddenly, out of nowhere your heart is riddled with a barrage of friendly fire. Fabricated accusations based on the testimony of known false witnesses are shot at you with such rapid succession, you're instantly disoriented and gravely wounded.

You can hardly catch your breath from this surprise and most unexpected attack. And you struggle to see clearly through the muddle.

To make things worse, prior to this ambush, you were already suffering from heartache, sleepless nights, depressing days; and the extreme anguish that every prodigal causes a parent.

You entered the room deeply wounded, but with great hope, you came to sow peace. Instead, you leave crippled by heartless and unfounded accusations coupled by the lack of compassion and grace offered by the other witnesses in the room.

I don't have to imagine this, because it happened to me and sadly, I know this is not an isolated incident; it's happened to many, and perhaps, it's happened to you.

If you've suffered painful friendly fire from fellow Christians as I have, please hear my following words as words of comfort, understanding and encouragement to you. We all need biblical accountability, so please accept my words as an arm around your injured shoulder rather than a finger jabbing into your raw wound.

Though I was unjustly accused and though there were legitimate reasons for me to be hurt, after much prayer and meditating on God's Word, I realized the ambush began before the meeting...at least it did for me.

It's difficult when Christians falsely accuse one another, but when a person ambushes themselves...well, that just exposes a deeper level of human depravity.

Sound strange? How can a person ambush themselves? I'll tell you how. First you have to be injured, justly or unjustly, it doesn't matter. Then you have to wallow in self-pity rather than submerge yourself in the Word of God. After you've taken these necessary steps, then you have to enter every conversation about your injury with the heart to be heard rather than enter with a heart to listen to the Holy Spirit's leading (Matt 27:12). If you follow these steps precisely, you too will be able to accomplish the rare feat of ambushing yourself, like I have. But I don't recommend it.

"The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it? 'I the LORD search the heart and test the mind, to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds.'"

~Jeremiah 17:9-10 (ESV)

You see, according to God, our omniscient and sovereign Creator, before we deceive others, we first deceive ourselves. It sounds like a strange thing to do, deceive oneself. But sin has a way of making even the strongest person (like Samson) succumb to irrational thinking and behavior.

One of the dangers of self-deception is self-pity. It's so dangerous because most don't view it as harmful. As a matter of fact, most of us (including me) can be fooled into believing it's acceptable and too often, we Christians support one another in it rather than rebuke one another from it (Prov 27:6).

Please don't get me wrong. I'm not denying we're all human and need time to heal from unjust attacks. But if we turn to one another over and over again, not to be lifted with God's Word, but only to gain a sympathetic crowd so we can mull over the gory details repeatedly; we're not in the right. Asaph knows this well (cf. Psalm 73).

Rather than prepare myself for that reconciliation meeting with much Scripture reading, study and meditation so that my spirit was better inclined to the Holy Spirit (Ps 119:33-40), I entered with my pain alone. So it's no surprise, that's all I left with.

This situation I put myself in is no different than a soldier going into battle without all his gear and armor. As God's holy and dearly beloved children, we're well-equipped and given the most impenetrable armor—the armor of God (Eph 6:10-17). And like a fool, I left home without it and was wrongly shocked when I sustained caustic injury.

Only the weak continually blame others and wallow in self-pity. But those of us who have been born of the Spirit of Christ have been given every spiritual blessing and provision (Eph 1:18-19, 2 Pet 1:3-4) to stand up from under the sinful desires of our dead flesh and walk in the newness of life (1 Cor 10:13, Rom 6:4-7).

Jesus Christ unjustly suffered spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically more than any human being who has lived, is living and will ever live. Yet, He remained steadfast in prayer (Lk 5:16), so that in everything He might bring glory, honor and praise to the Father alone. And because of the Father's love and great mercy on us, by His grace He has called us higher than we could ever hope to travel in our own strength—the narrow road to holiness (1 Pet 1:13-16).

Because Christ suffered, died and was raised from the dead, those who are in Him have been raised to bear His reproach and also His victory over sin. Therefore we don't have to give into self-pity and wallow in the cesspool of "poor me" or "oh my". No, we do what Job did and recognize that in love, God allows both evil and good to come to our lives, and that is where we find out greatest comfort and strength.

Next time you're tempted to wallow in the vanity of self-pity ask yourself what I'm now committed to asking myself, "If God allows both pleasures and pains to come to my life for my greatest good (conformity to the image of Christ), then how can I love one and despise the other?"

"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose. For those whom He foreknew He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, in order that He might be the firstborn among many brothers...So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light and momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal."

~Romans 8:28-29, 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 (ESV)

God has been better to me than I deserve. Especially since all I deserve (that is, my sins have earned me) is Hell and His full wrath (Rom 3:23, 5:9). But because God is love and He is perfect, pure, holy, righteous and compassionate, full of mercy and grace (Ps 103:8-14), He chose to save me 41 years ago. Then the Lord saw fit to bless me with a husband 22 years ago, who loves Christ more than me (Col 1:18). Can a girl ask for more?

I'm so very grateful to be my husband's forever second love. I pray the Lord will make me the kind of help-meet that will highlight his strengths, be a balm for his pains and a loving and understanding covering for his weaknesses (Prov 10:12, 31:11-12; 1 Pet 4:8).

Marriage is the most important earthly relationship in the sight of God the Father; for He uses it as an earthly paradigm of His Son's relationship with His Bride, the Church (Eph 5:25-27).Therefore marriage ought never be considered, entered into or maintained with ephemeral affections or self-centered notions.

Because marriage is a holy covenant given by God to a man and a woman, anyone desiring to enter into this covenant ought to fervently pray, pursue wise and biblical counsel and continually search the Scriptures to ensure all things are done in a fitting and pleasing manner before the Lord.

It is sinful for professing Christians to enter into holy matrimony with the same worldly, self-absorbed he/she makes me feel good and fulfills all my desires, hopes and dreams (James 4:4, 17). Men ought to seek out women who pursue Christ as it is written in Proverbs 31:10-31; Ephesians 5:22-24; Colossians 3:18, 23-24 and 1 Peter 3:1-6―for starters. Just the same, women ought to seek men who pursue Christ as it is written in Psalm 1:1-3; Proverbs 2:1-22, 3:5-12; Ephesians 5:25-30 and 1 Peter 3:7.

Will any man or woman live out these Scriptures perfectly? No. And that's not the point. The point is that every professing believer ought to pursue the things of God without constant external prodding. This is the evidence that God's Holy Spirit does in fact, dwell in you.

There are no perfect Christians, only a perfect Christ who's Spirit wills and works all things for God's glory (Rom 8:28-30, Eph 2:10).

We have been bought with a very high price―the precious and pure blood of Jesus Christ, the Son of God. Our lives, our bodies and all we have rightly belong to the Lord. Therefore it is our extreme privilege and highest honor to live for the holy calling and pleasure of God, rather than live for the depraved desires of the flesh.

I don't know where you are in your  marriage today or more importantly, where you are in your relationship with Christ, the only Savior. But I would like to encourage you to press on toward the upward call of God in Jesus Christ, to abide in His love, seek Him and His kingdom first, keep or make your affections for the Lord preeminent above all, love your spouse second best, children tied for third and serve everyone as unto the Lord.

Live coram Deo.

Many of my readers have either written or asked me on social media, whether or not I've read or watched the movie based on the popular book, "Heaven Is For Real" by Todd Burpo. I have neither read nor watched it in full, but I am familiar with the contents of the book and movie.

I completely disagree with Todd's assertion that his then 4-year-old son Colton (who is now 15), did in fact go to Heaven and return with an accurate depiction of the Almighty's glorious throne (Is 66:1). 

Rather than reinvent the wheel and write an entire article/review about why I disagree with the book and movie based on its unbiblical content, let me share with you this video (below) from David Platt and a couple of links to articles written by Dr. John MacArthur and Phil Johnson. They all did a splendidly thorough job explaining the unbiblical nature of "Heaven Is For Real", and other books with similar content.

Please be sure to read ALL the Scripture references in every article so that you are not persuaded by the wisdom of men, but convinced by the powerful and living Word of God (1 Cor 2:5).

"Heaven Is Real; Hallucinations Are Not" by John MacArthur (April 28, 2014 excerpt from "The Glory of Heaven)

"Are Visits to Heaven Real?" by John MacArthur (March 10, 2014 in Answers Magazine)

"The Burpo-Malarkey Doctrine" by Phil Johnson (October 18, 2012)

If you'd like to read a soundly biblical book about Heaven and what it will be like, read your Bibles (I'm saying this with a wink and a smile because anyone reading this, would already know to do that).

If you have unbelieving family or friends who are confused about Heaven, share this book with them by John MacArthur, "The Glory of Heaven" and not  "Heaven Is For Real".

May God find us faithful as we grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To Him be the glory both now and to the day of eternity (2 Pet 3:18). Amen.