God's Gift of Discipline: For My Spiritual Edification

Spiritual discipline seems to be a long forgotten practice in the evangelical churches of today. Many churches no longer practice church discipline, and in doing so, have invited goats among the sheep [Matthew 25:32-33, 41] to worship the Lord of Hosts, the LORD God Almighty. Naturally, inviting those who are not truly converted disciples of Christ; those who are have not been born again, through repentance and full trust in the Lord Jesus Christ, causes us to be guilty of the sin of desecrating our offering of praise to our God if we knowingly bring those we know are not born of His Spirit to worship at His altar with us, just so we can boast of numbers and check off our list of spiritual accomplishments [Malachi 1:6-11].

We need to go back to the times of the great reformation and renew our spiritual fervor [Romans 12:9-13] as we love one another according to God's word and not according to the comforts of our flesh and in conformity with the ways of the world. We need to return to revering all of God's commandments and His holy ordinances. It seems in many evangelical churches, we have lost what it means to fear God and all that He has commanded to be holy, including worship and ordinances such as the Lord's Supper.

In the original tabernacle, there was a curtain that separated the Holy Place from the Most Holy Place (where the Ark of the Covenant was placed). No one was allowed to enter through the curtain of the Most Holy Place, except for the Priest and even so, he was only allowed to enter once a year to make atonement for his sins and the sins of all the people. But as we know, all the things here on earth are but a shadow of the eternal things to come [Hebrews 10:1].

I am so thankful to God for His wonderful gift of our church family where we practice biblical church discipline. Church discipline is necessary, not only because it is commanded by God in Scripture, but our compassionate heavenly Father has commanded it for our benefit, not our harm. When we are members of a God-fearing, God-loving church that adheres strictly to God's word rather than our evil culture, then every member of that church benefits in the abundant grace of God that is poured out onto such a fellowship of believers [Acts 4:33].

Personally, I've benefited greatly due to this biblical training of spiritual discipline from our church family and our wise and humble leaders. I've learned to make it a practice to examine myself and approach the throne of God's grace with a true heart, a teachable heart, and a repentant heart that desires more to seek the face of Jesus, rather than to seek the wicked desires of my flesh. In doing so, God has revealed to me one of the main reasons why I was in the hospital and have been recently afflicted in my body: for my spiritual edification.

Please don't take me wrong. I am not saying that every Christian who suffers in their body, is suffering because of a sin in which they have not repented. I am fully aware that many of our bodily afflictions occur because we live in a fallen world and the sin that dwells within our flesh is the most dangerous and fatal disease that has struck all humanity; therefore, there is no one who can escape death and illness that comes upon our bodies. What I am saying is, it is not for us to judge one another in this matter, but as the Lord God commands us in the above passage, it is for each of us to judge ourselves; soberly [Romans 12:3-5]. We are all called, as children of the Most High God to examine our own hearts; fervently requesting of the Lord who knows our hearts, to search them, test them and lead us in the Way [Psalm 139:23-24]. We are to ask with sincere love, that God forgive us and reveal to us (so that we might repent) of all our daily sins; both those that are obviously visible to us and those that are not [Psalm 19:12-14].

***By the way, I am in no way including bodily afflictions that come upon a person due to persecution for the name of Jesus. As we know, all this is for the glory of God to be displayed in the lives of those who suffer this way and no personal sin is ever the cause [John 9:1-3].***

In God's compassion, He delighted to show me that I have been guilty of hidden sins in two areas of my life:

We all suffer from pride and struggle with this wickedness within us all. One of the awful things about pride is it creeps into areas we would never suspect. During my recent bodily affliction and hospital stay, God was so kind to reveal these hidden sins to me. Of course, not hidden to Him, but only to my own heart that had deceived me for all these years. The Lord, in His mercy showed me that when I approached His throne on behalf of another, I would often only do it if I deemed that their prayer request was important. When God showed this to me, I felt sicker than I already did with all that I had already been stricken! I was so disgusted that I would dare to presume whether or not another person's prayer request was worthy of taking to the throne of God's mercy and grace. Personally, I've never heard of such a preposterous thing! Oh, what a wretched woman I am!

If that were not enough, the Lord also revealed to me that I had not only been lying to myself all these 16 years, but to my sons as well. I've raised them, telling them that Jesus should always take preeminence in their lives; that He should always be the most important Person to them, even before my Favorite and I. But in my heart, the Lord revealed to me that I didn't really believe this. God showed me that I wanted to be the most important person in their lives! Can you believe that?! As if my the first sin God revealed to me was not disgusting enough by itself, He then, with great mercy reveals this lie I've been telling myself and my sons all their lives! If there could be found, a more wretched woman than myself, I would be surprised as I am sure there is none that has, does or will ever exist. In all this, the Lord showed me how I have contended supremacy with Him. This sin is nothing short of satanic as this is the very sin that overtook Satan.

God was so kind to allow me the opportunity to immediately pray on another's behalf, without partiality and to confess my sin to my sons and ask for their forgiveness.

With gratitude, I gave thanks to my God for allowing me this light and momentary affliction [2 Corinthians 4:16-18] to be used for my spiritual discipline, for my edification that I might be all the more conformed into the likeness of His Son, my Lord Jesus the Christ; that in every way, I might repent of my sins and live a life worthy of His name.

Do I believe God's spiritual discipline for my personal edification was the only purpose for my recent bodily affliction and hospital stay? No. I know assuredly that it was only one of the many reasons. The other purpose in which I am aware of is for me to have the privilege to declare the glad news of deliverance; to be bold in speaking of God's faithfulness, righteousness, and salvation to all those who entered my hospital room, or met me during my daily walks. As for the any other purposes - well, I'm sure there are many, but I am not aware of them, and am satisfied to know of the two God was pleased to reveal to me. There are so many things that the Lord Jesus works in our lives, I am sure that while we desire to tell of them all, they are too many to declare, even through eternity [Psalm 40:5, John 21:25].

Quick update on my health:
I was released from the hospital, Tuesday, June 16,^th only because I am stable enough and was found to be able to sustain myself for the last two days of my hospital stay. They agreed that if I could do this, I could go home, but must agree to come back if any symptoms return, continue all requested testings on an outpatient basis and if my future blood tests reveal I must return, I agreed that I would. Many of my blood work is all over the country at places like the Mayo Clinic as they are very specialized testings. The following are the results (thus far) from biopsies, CT Scans, etc.: I have several indeterminate nodules in my right lung and one in my left; although on the surface it seemed my colonoscopy and endoscopy proved to be clear, the biopsy reports returned with signs of severe inflammation within the tissue of my esophagus and stomach; my white blood cell count (specifically my eosinophils) continue to fluctuate; I am still on a strict diet, no meds and very weak.

I have a hospital follow-up and recheck of my CBC with my family doctor next week, and a visit with my hematologist (from the hospital) to discuss my results (they should return in a couple of weeks), and a follow-up with my gastroenterologist after that.

I know this might sound a bit crazy, but although my prognosis, so far doesn't sound very good and all my doctors are concerned, I'm not. It's not because I'm in shock or even nuts. It's because I'm so grateful that the Lord has delivered me from these hidden sins which I just shared; that through His mercy and kindness, chose to reveal them to me, that I might repent of them and worship Him in spirit and in truth.

God's Gift of Fellowship: Our Church Family

How can we ever thank God enough for Jesus? How can we ever thank God enough for the fellowship in His Holy Spirit? How can we ever thank God enough for godly husbands, children who walk in truth, brothers and sisters in the Lord who demonstrate every aspect of the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23)? I mean, is it even possible? I don't believe so.

God is worthy to be praised, to have His name exalted above all names and He is so exceedingly good to us, I don't believe that we could ever give Him all the praise that is due Him.

Today's meditation from my hospital bed is this: thanksgiving for my church family. After years of searching, some bad church experiences due to living in a fallen world and grief that a true church of Jesus Christ no longer exists; the LORD, in His perfect timing brought us to our beautiful church family. Is our church perfect? By all means no...after all, they allow me to be a member. :-) But our hearts are full of reverence and love for God our Father, utter gratitude for His gift of salvation through Christ Jesus, His Son and the bond of fellowship He provides us in His Spirit. Our church is elder-led (as Scripture commands 1 Timothy 3:1-7) with men who are not only generously graced with God's wisdom from heaven (James 3:13, 17), but also demonstrate the humility of Christ (Philippians 2:3-7); which is key.

I think one of the saddest things that I've witnessed in drawing a body of believers away from the cause of Christ is prideful leaders who begin to run the church more like a business, being more concerned about numbers, rather than a "hospital" for sinners who are in desperate need of The Savior and the gift of fellowship in His Spirit.

During my stay in the hospital (going on 5 days now), our family has received faithful and fervent prayers (not only for my healing, but for my darling husband and sons), visits, gifts, cards, phone calls to share Christ's love, videos to watch and wonderful care for our sons so my Favorite can spend most of his time taking care of home, visiting me and bringing more and more things for me to the hospital.

Then there is my husband, with whom I also share in the fellowship of Christ Jesus our Lord. I don't believe I can ever say enough about him. He has exemplified what it means to serve me as Christ. There are days he goes to and from the hospital several times to bring me things. Most of this happened because initially, we had no idea that I would be here this long and wasn't sure what I would need. My Favorite takes care of the boys, is managing house duties (both his and mine), is working diligently on a new website for our church and so much more. He continues to be the strong and compassionate vessel of God's love for me. He's put up with my pity parties, bad attitudes and unkind mouth. He comforts me in my sorrows and rebukes me when I'm sinning; he does all this, with the love and strength of Christ through the word of God. In all this, he has not sinned and continues to be the epitome of what it means to be a husband who loves his wife as Christ has loved the Church (Ephesians 5:25-27). I am truly a woman blessed beyond measure.

"let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water."
~ Hebrews 10:22

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.~ Ephesians 4:29

"Christ is our best friend and ere long will be our only friend. I pray God with all my heart that I may be weary of everything else but converse and communion with Him"

~ John Owen

P.S.
I am very encouraged by all your comments as they truly bless my heart and inspire me to press on toward the prize God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. I apologize that at present, I am unable to respond as I continue to undergo many testings and procedures. Grace and peace to you all. I love you dearly my brothers and sisters in our awesome Lord Jesus.

...but I love it, and am grateful to God for such a thing!

I love the rich, vibrant colors of fruits and vegetables.

I love the taste of juicy watermelons, cucumbers, oranges, strawberries...you name it, I love it!

I love the incredible aroma of a roast cooking for hours in the slow cooker.

I even love to go grocery shopping where I'm completely surrounded by food and am eager to create both nutritious and mouth-watering meals for my precious family and friends God has graciously blessed me with. I think you get the picture...

I LOVE FOOD!
______________________________

So why I am so grateful to God for such a thing? Because my body seems to hate it, yet my love for food is something I believe is a gift from God that has helped me to survive.

You see, if God had not given me such a fondness of food, I'm sure that I would either be dead, or much more ill than I am. Because I love food so much, regardless of how painful eating is, I keep doing it.

For those of you who have been with me for a while know that I have a lot of health issues. And most, if not all of it is surrounded by my very weak and sickly digestive system.

I nearly died in November 2007, have had countless procedures, tests, ER visits and throw in there a couple of surgeries, and what do you have? A train wreck; a.k.a. me. If it's not one thing, it's another. And not that I'm comparing myself to Job or would ever consider myself as righteous as he, but my life for the past five (5) years seems to imitate his a bit - at least, health wise, that is. Just after one doctor tells me of a disease that has attacked my body, and before he/she can finish telling me what we must do; another doctor is calling to tell me of yet another condition or disease that needs immediate attention.

Cutting to the chase:

In March of this year, I had a bout with colitis and unnecessary scripts that put me in the ER twice that month. Needless to say, I'm not taking any of those meds anymore.

I was recently diagnosed with IBS and put on meds for that, and while it seemed to help a bit, it didn't make enough of a difference for the very harsh side affects I experienced. So, unfortunately, I had to stop taking that.

My GI doc also discovered I don't produce lactase, the enzyme necessary for our bodies to digest lactose which is in pretty much everything. Due to this, my body kicks out most of what I eat. Very painful. So I have to take three Lactaid pills before every meal and two before snacks. Basically, I can't eat without taking it. It seemed to calmed things down...for about 2 weeks anyway.

I have a new family doctor (who just happens to be my Pastor's wife) and she's FABULOUS! She's not only REALLY, REALLY smart, but she's compassionate and more importantly, loves our Lord Jesus Christ.

I've been having memory problems (i.e., forgetting simple things, new things, and old things, as well as people I've sat down and visited with for several hours). All this has been going on for a few years now and it's gotten worse this past year. About 8 months ago, I also began to have breathing problems, tingling in my hands and feet as well as tremors in my hands and sometimes all over my body and I'm always tired and very weak. I often feel as if I'm going to fall down or pass out. Of course, all this is in addition to my digestive issues I continue to have.

Well, my wonderful new family doctor found out I have Vitamin B12 and Vitamin D deficiencies which pretty much explains most of my recent symptoms. My body is not absorbing B12. So I started my B12 shots which I will need for the rest of my life and have taken my first round of 50,000 units of Vitamin D.

I'm headed to the ER again in just a few hours. Why? Well, without going into all the gory details, let's just say that in the last 48 + hours, my body has chosen to flush me out about 40 times within the first 24 hours and about 20 more in the last 24 or so. All this with only one meal on Wednesday. No, it's not food poisoning. This has just been my life for the past five years. I was told by both my fam doc and GI doc to go to the ER yesterday, but honestly, I just didn't feel like it (not that I ever do). I was very tired and just wanted to get some sleep before I was poked and prodded for another 7+ hours. So like a good girl (sort of) I'm going after we get the boys off to school today.

The reason why I'm sharing this is because I believe that often without sharing the "yucky yucks" of our lives we don't really appreciate the beauty of God's gifts to us; as simple as they might seem at the time. But truly, there are no gifts from our great God that are simple...now are there?

Our God is an awesome God and He always answers the prayers of His children. They may not be the answers we want, like "No" or "Wait". And sometimes His answers may not come at the time we desire either. But regardless of whether or not we like, understand or are impatient for the answer; we can know for sure that our God's answers are always perfect in timing and righteous in nature.

So I praise and exalt the name of the LORD God Almighty. Why? Simply, because He is worthy.

The circumstances in our lives may change but our circumstances don't determine who God is, nor do they change who God is. He is kind, He is merciful, God is gracious, full of compassion and forgiving. Only in God is there hope and only in Him is there true peace. The Lord God remains the same: robed in His majesty; enthroned on high; reigning in righteousness, goodness and truth.

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed in us.
~ Romans 8:18

Therefore it is good to praise, give thanks and find joy in God first thing in the morning and to remember His faithfulness at night; whether He's brought us through trials or given us much rest. Either way, He has carried us; therefore it is only fitting that we give honor and glory where it is due - and the Lord our God is truly worthy.

So, no matter where you are and no matter what's happening in your life, I invite you to worship, praise and glorify the LORD with me! Truly, there is no better place on earth to be!