abandoned to Christ.

Where I’ve Been In January 2020 I had my third heart surgery . Then I had serious issues with my eyes caused by my atrial fibrillation. While that was creating more appointments to my retina specialist, both my knees and my right elbow continued to worsen. Since the last time I wrote (April 2020), I’ve had three surgeries within three months. I had my second surgery on my right knee in July, a major elbow surgery in September, and a minor surgery to remove and biopsy a small lump on the inside of my right cheek. All this has been quite daunting and depressing. To add to my already (as one of my specialist put it) “eventful medical record”, I was also having severe pain in my index finger on my left hand. However, I didn’t mention it to anyone because there was already so much going on, that I could tell that I was overwhelming my doctors. And because I had already asked my Father, if it would please Him, to resolve this ailment without the use of medical intervention, I waited patien...

As many of you know, I daily face many serious and painful health challenges. To quote one of my 12 specialists, I have a very "eventful medical history". And the events continue. In February of this year,my stellar Optometrist, Dr. Jeff Thomas, found a tiny spot near the macula of my left eye and some bleeding in my back of my right eye. But nothing to be too concerned with at the time. This past week, my vision began to decrease daily; especially in my left eye. I didn't tell my darling husband Jim until yesterday, because he always makes me call a doctor. The only reason I told him at all, was because my sight has become so hindered in just the past few days, I was sure he would notice. So, to stay out of trouble, I shared it with him as merely an FYI situation. So if he notices that I can't see something, then he'll have a heads up. The end. Unfortunately, my darling Jim mistook my simple FYI for a, "Should I call the doctor?" Lo...

As my earthly tent continues to weaken, due to the the 13 years in which the Lord Jesus carried me through a brutal and torrential storm of persecution, my mind and heart delight in these words from my Lord, All things have been handed over to me by my Father, and no one knows the Son except the Father, and no one knows the Father except the Son and anyone to whom the Son chooses to reveal him. Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. Jesus said to them, “I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst…” ~Matthew 11:27-30, John 6:35 On January 8, 2020, I will undergo my 3rd heart surgery (cardiac ablation for atrial fibrillation) and 13th surgery within an 11-year-period of time. Less invasive methods for my fifth ar...

I love Psalm 29:11 because it reminds me that true peace is not the absence of conflict with people. True peace, is the absence of conflict with God. And for anyone who has received the peace of God through repentance and faith in Jesus Christ, know that there must be conflict with people  in this life, for the Gospel is an offense to all who live in their pride, rather than in Christ. For 45 years, God has granted me His peace, and considered me worthy of sharing in the sufferings of my Savior. For 13 years the Lord graciously endured me through brutal persecutions, beatings, and slander for proclaiming the Gospel of God's grace, and refusing to denounce the name of Jesus Christ. Because the Spirit of Christ lives in me, I couldn't deny my Lord who suffered and died to be the propitiation and expiation for the sins I committed against the one and only living and holy God. In the past 14 years, God has considered me worthy of bearing the scars of my Savior. The scars...

Since this week has been a particularly difficult week for me physically, yesterday's lovely day at the Byron Nelson with my darling Teeny Tiny (a.k.a. Michael, our eldest son) wore out my already frail body. But it was worth it! One of the numerous things that I've come to thank God for during these 13 years of constant physical pain and weakness, is the revelation that pain is not, and cannot be the determining factor of when and why and how I choose to live—only the Word of God determines that. Physical pain and weakness and suffering are not even close to being the worse thing I, nor anyone on this earth can experience. A life lived outside of God's good and perfect will, is the worse thing anyone (both rebellious believers and unbelievers) can experience. Because I'm so weak and in much pain today, my darling husband, once again, planned what we call "home church service". We always use a sermon from Parkside Church (www.parksidechurch.com...

During my praise and quiet time this morning, one of the chapters included in the Bible reading plan I use , was 2 Corinthians 11. When I got to verse 30, "If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness ." , I realized this is something I rarely do. I often boast of Christ crucified (as every Christian ought), and I often boast about the good works of God displayed through the hands of His children. I've boasted about my Lord Jesus' power made perfect in my weaknesses. But today, it hit me...I don't often boast about things that show my weakness. It's difficult to do because I don't know what's enough or too much. And to be honest, I try to forget about all the pain and weakness I constantly feel, because who wants to hear about it? Most people don't. I've had numerous occasions when I've tried to share and either the person is clearly disinterested or they interrupt and change the subject to something funny ...

Though it's an icky thought to have an electronic device (pacemaker) in my chest and two electrical wires (leads) in two chambers of my heart (right atrium and ventricle), I'm grateful to the LORD for providing this medical intervention that's making my heart beat as often as it should and gradually elevate as necessary, with activity. I have a six week recovery that includes not being able to raise my left arm above my head, bear down on it, extend it back, etc. so as not to pull the leads out of my heart, which would require another surgery to put them back in. And for the first two weeks, I can't drive or do much of anything but rest, and possibly, some very light activity. Six weeks gives the tissue in my heart enough time to surround the leads and hold them in place. I never realized how many things I have to do that causes me to have to put my arms above my head (wash and brush my hair, getting dressed, reaching for a drinking glass, etc.), bear down o...

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." -Psalm 73:26, ESV Psalm 73:25 says, "Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you." Both verses 25 and 26 resonate the song of my literal and figurative heart; for God alone makes my physical heart beat, and He alone made my figurative heart alive in Christ. Without the LORD I wouldn't have physical or spiritual life...and neither would anyone else. This past Friday, my Cardiac Electrophysiologist confirmed that I have an uncommon heart arrhythmia called sick sinus syndrome (SSS) . What this means is that my heart can no longer keep a steady rhythm because it's "sick". The short version is that my natural pacemaker (sinus node) is no longer functioning properly so I have bradycardia (heart rate under 60 bpm) which causes me to be very lightheaded, dizzy and weak due to the lack of blood flow...

If God meant my salvation to be solely for the purpose of me knowing Him, fellowshiping with Him and fellow saints in spirit and in truth, then why am I still here? Because really, I can do all these things in Heaven. If these things were God's sole purpose, then God, who wastes nothing, would have let me die and called me to glory right after He gave me eternal life in Jesus Christ. But He didn't. Why? Because God's sole purpose in saving me wasn't just so I could go to church, remain in a Christian bubble and enjoy fellowship with Him and other believers. God's purpose in saving me and leaving me here on earth was so I could be salt and light to the world—an ambassador of Christ—holding fast to the Word of life in a crooked and perverse generation (Mt 5:13-16, Php 2:14-16). "I love the LORD, because he has heard my voice and my pleas for mercy. Because he has inclined his ear to me, therefore I will call on him as long as I live...Gracious is ...

It's been a while since I've shared anything about my physical health ( my last post was in November 2014 ). Perhaps you thought the Lord healed me from my serious health afflictions...but He hasn't...yet. And that's okay with me. I'm now entering my 11th year of constant and often debilitating pain, extreme fatigue, seven surgeries in seven years (my most recent was a few weeks ago). I'm also still adding new specialists to my already large repertoire (an Endocrinologist, Cardiac Electrophysiologist, Oral and Maxillofacial Surgeon, and more). In addition to all this, it looks as if I'm going to need at least one more, and possibly two surgeries this year (one for my hyperparathyroidism and the other for a cardiac pacemaker). The reason it's been so long since I've shared anything about my continually declining health, is because I've wrongly concluded that it's better for me to encourage you rather than burden you with my seemingly, ...

It continually amazes me when professing Christians behave like unbelievers—insulted by God's Word, repulsed by discipline and loving reproof (or strong rebuke when necessary), and deferring to their feelings rather than the Word of God. It also amazes me that when acts of sacrificial love are demonstrated, the instant a feeling is hurt (not a sin committed mind you), how quickly love is forgotten for the deception of sin-founded feelings. What compounds this egregious manifestation of self-centeredness and ingratitude, is the expectation that one should conform to the likeness and feelings of another person rather than be conformed in every way, to the image of Christ Jesus the Lord. "Everyone who is arrogant in heart is an abomination to the LORD; be assured, he [or she] will not go unpunished...Righteous lips are the delight of a king, and he loves him who speaks what is right." -Proverbs 16:5, 13 (ESV) I suppose the key word in all of this is "pro...

"In John 4:34 Jesus said to them, 'My food is to do the will of Him who sent Me and to accomplish His work.' I can't say that...I do so much for me. So much of my 'food' stinks. It's fodder. I'd be a hypocrite to stand before you and say those words are mine. But Jesus could always say, 'My food, my sustenance; the thing I live for, is to do the will of My Father.' That's why how a man prays will tell you more about him, than how a man preaches." -Paul Washer I concur with our brother Paul Washer. I want my "food", my sustenance, the  only  thing I live for, to be the same as Jesus—to do the will of my Father and to accomplish His work. But more often than I'd like, my "food" unfortunately, is my desires, my opinions, my creature comforts and my will. And at times, when this is my "food", my prayers are filled with the same carnality. Similar to many, I want to be liked and accepted. I ...