Suffering Doesn't Always Produce Compassion

 

The mercy and kindness of my Abba, God and Father truly has no end.

The photo I used to create the above Scripture-Picture is of a precious, black swallowtail butterfly catepillar, enjoying the fennel I grow in my garden; for my family and loved ones and for it.

I took this picture because it reminded me of something King David once penned,

When I look at Your heavens, the work of Your fingers,
     the moon and the stars, which You have set in place,
what is man that You are mindful of him,
     and the son of man that You care for him?

~Psalm 8:3-4, ESV

and also this passage from Psalm 22 that reflect our Savior's agony on the Cross of Calvary,

But I am a worm and not a man,
     scorned by mankind and despised by the people.
All who see Me mock Me;
     they make mouths at Me; they wag their heads;
"He trusts in the LORD; let Him deliver Him;
     let Him rescue Him, for He delights in Him!"

~Psalm 22:6-8, ESV

Then, this morning, as I considered the goodness of the Rock of my salvation, and meditated on His love, His mercy, His kindness, His grace, and making me a partaker of His Son's divine nature, I was reminded of how uncompassionate and rigid I have become.

We always think that people who've had it rough—people who have suffered much and known much of what it means to be poor, desitute, lacking in clothing and daily food, mocked, beaten, disowned, and abandoned, would be the most compassionate people of all. It make sense that they would. Because who suffers so much pain and sorrow and then are able to turn and cause the same pain and sorrow on others? Who does that? I do. And so do most, if not all of us.

In the midst of my sufferings, when it first began at age four; when the LORD, in His perfect timing, called me by name, to Himself—to repentance and faith in His one and only begotten Son, I was compassionate.

I was compassionate toward others I saw suffering the same, and some, worse than I was. I wanted to offer them the same comfort and love and peace and security the LORD gave me by faith in Jesus Christ. I wanted to refresh and relieve anyone who suffered in any way by callous, evil men, women, and children (yes, children, because even without an evil adult example, we're all born self-centered, meglomaniacal, enemies of God Most High).

When I found myself being hated, mocked, severely beaten and threatened, repeatedly disowned and reowned by those who were supposed to love and protect and provide for me; the only peace, the only solace and comfort and love greater than all my suffererings, came from the only pure and innocent Person who walked this earth—Jesus Christ my Lord. And because I couldn't fathom His great love and the utterly desolating pain He suffered in my stead, I wanted nothing more than to love others as Christ. I was consumed with reading and heeding His Word. I couldn't get enough of Jesus and I couldn't love anyone enough. Though I suffered greatly, and never knew when the threats on my life would come to pass, the pure and holy passion from abiding in Christ exalted me to the unimagineable peace, hope, and security that I couldn't give enough of to others.

But as time passed and 13 years of the same evil perpetrated upon my seriously broken and weak body was normalized, I became desensitized and unconcerned about the plight of others. I began to believe Satan's lie (that the world and our flesh bolsters) that I deserved the best that life had to offer, and with no evil even slightly suggested against me. I believed L'Oreal, that I'm "worth it!". I believed Burger King, that I should have everything, "my way!" I believed the very few people who knew about my sufferings that told me that I deserved better!

I believed all the lies.

But why?

I didn't beleive these lies because I wanted to be evil, do evil, or embrace evil. I beleived these lies because I was tired. I was beaten, not just physically, verbally, emotionally, and mentally. But I was beaten spiritually because I was not spending more time with my God and Father than I was spending with my own thoughts.

And just like everyone else, my own thoughts, without God's Word and the sanctifying power of His Holy Spirit, I was too weak and too blind and too powerless to fight against the devil, the world, and the lies I told myself before I repeated it to others.

I believed that since I was such a "good Christian" toward those who brutalized me (e.g., returning good for evil, praying for their salvation, etc.) that I deserved for all evil against me to stop and for all good and only good to begin. I believed I was better (in both my sight and God's) than they were. And I became proud. I became conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations of the goodness of God lavishly poured out to me in Christ Jesus.

I basically became like Jonah. I believed evil people deserved evil and I didn't want to participate in any of God's mercy toward them.

But it displeased Jonah exceedingly, and he was angry. And he prayed to the LORD and said, "O LORD, is not this what I said when I was yet in my country? That is why I made haste to flee to Tarshish; for I knew that You are a graciou God and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love, and relenting from disaster."

And the LORD said, "You pity the plant for which you did not labor, nor did you make it grow, which came into being in a night and perished in a night. And should I not pity Nineveh, that great city, in which there are more than 120,000 persons who do not know their right hand from their left, and also much cattle?"

~Jonah 4:1-2, 10-11, ESV

It's come to my attention that this on again off again compassion, has sadly, been a pattern in my life.

Recently, while I was watching a movie with our youngest and unbelieving son, Kevin (31), after I made a remark about a character in the show, he said to me, "You're not a very compassionate person, Mama." I laughed. But he continued, "You are compassionate toward your family. That's obvious. We all know that. But you're not compassionate toward other people like in this movie. You're not understanding about what they may be going through and you compare everyone to you. I know you've suffered a lot. I mean, you've suffered more than anyone I know. But that doesn't mean you can be uncompassionate toward people you think have suffered less."

He's an unbeliever. But he spoke truth to me. Because I belong to Christ and He is my Shepherd, I recognized His voice and I'm a fool if I don't heed it.

Just because a Christian says something, it doesn' make it true. Just because an unbeliever says something, it doesn't make it false.

The only thing that makes something true or false, worthy of heeding or forgetting, is whether or not what's said harmonizes with my Father's holy precepts—found only in His Word, and made understandable to our finite and frail minds by His Holy Spirit (1 Cor 2:11-12).

I can't believe how easy it is for me to regularly forget how good God is and how evil I am. I can't believe that the thorn in my flesh (23 surgeries in 20 years and 25 years of 24/7 pain) that God has so mercifully allowed Satan to knead me with, has yet to keep the compassion of Christ a constant in my life!

Though the depths of my depravity astonish me, the greatness of my Abba, Father's love compels me to repent and continue abiding in Christ my Savior.

We so often read/hear about how our bodies need a "reset". But we forget about the most vital reset we all need, especially as God's holy and dearly beloved children—we need to habitually reset our minds with God's Word so that we may know Him more in order to love Him better, which empowers us to participate in the Holy Spirit's work to sanctify and transform us more and more into the image of Christ.

So, what was my response (many days later, because as I've shared before, I am a ssssllllooooowwww learner) to the truth my Savior spoke to me through our unbelieving son?

By my merciful Abba, Father's grace, it is this,

I know that You can do all things,
     and that no purpose of Yours can be thwarted.
'Who is this that hides counsel without knowledge?'
Therefore I have uttered what I did not understand,
     things too wonderful for me, which I did not know.
'Hear, and I will speak;
     I will question you, and you make it known to Me.'
I had heard of You by the hearing of the ear,
     but now my eye sees You;
therefore, I despise myself,
     and repent in dust and ashes.

~Job 41:1-6, ESV