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God's Gift of Grace: To Commune with Jesus

"let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water."
~ Hebrews 10:22

The Lord has been so gracious to me in showing me, that where I am does not define who I am. Since the day of my salvation, I am forever and will only be defined by my relationship with Jesus Christ. The fact that I'm in the hospital and was told last night, "you won't be going home anytime soon" changes nothing about Who resides in my heart and commands my every thought and instills in my heart His every desire.

Therefore, I have dedicated this time that I'm in the hospital to write notes to all of you as our merciful Heavenly Father provides me strength and wisdom to share all that He is teaching me during this time.

"Communion with God was a great thing; to evangelicals today it is a comparatively small thing. The Puritans were concerned about communion with God in a way we are not. The measure of our unconcern is the little that we say about it. When Christians meet, they talk to each other about their Christian work and Christian interests, their Christian acquaintances, the state of the churches, and the problems of theology -- but rarely their daily experience of God."
~J.I. Packer, A Quest for Godliness

My heart was deeply struck by this statement as I have fallen into the sin of "it's all about me". When I began to get very ill and knew that this illness was a bit different than all the past ones from these last five years. I found myself desiring attention and lots of it. I wanted people to feel sorry for me. So sorry for me that they would sacrifice their lives, family, church, etc. priorities and blessings so that they might pay attention to me. And when they did, I was unkind. I did not have wholesome talk, but gossip and bitterness regarding past hurts from churches I once attended. As I spoke, it was obvious I had not forgiven them, but instead had formed the insane idea that I was more righteous than they. It became clear to me last night after my dear sisters in Christ left my room, that I had sinned and grieved my glorious God and Savior, Jesus Christ; Who shed His precious blood to cleanse me from the filth of self-righteousness and self-glorification. I was sure at this point that I had not fulfilled what the Holy Spirit inspired the Apostle Paul to write:

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.~ Ephesians 4:29

I'm confident my words to my sisters last night, was corrupt, did not build them up in their faith, was not fitting for the occasion and most certainly did not impart God's grace upon them (Acts 4:33) so that we might fellowship and commune together as we ought in our Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ.

Therefore, I have repented of this sin and asked our merciful and very patient Heavenly Father to forgive me as I have (this time) truly forgiven those who have sinned against me; realizing that they have first sinned against God - just as I have.

I pray that today, I have imparted God's grace to you all by sharing with you the resurrected life of Christ within me. May the LORD our God who is gracious beyond what we can ever deserve bless you this day with His word, mercy, kindness, and abounding compassion as you seek to commune with Him, as you seek to rejoice in the truth that we have peace with the Lord God Almighty and may participate in the great gift of communing with Him because of Jesus.

"Christ is our best friend and ere long will be our only friend. I pray God with all my heart that I may be weary of everything else but converse and communion with Him"
~ John Owen


P.S.
I am very encouraged by all your comments as they truly bless my heart and inspire me to press on toward the prize God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. I apologize that at present, I am unable to respond as I continue to undergo many testings and procedures. Grace and peace to you all. I love you dearly my brothers and sisters in our awesome Lord Jesus.
I've just been admitted to the hospital. Needless to say I will be "offline" for a bit.

Thank you all so much for your prayers.

May our awesome God who has loved us faithfully be praised forever and ever!

I love you all!
...but I love it, and am grateful to God for such a thing!

I love the rich, vibrant colors of fruits and vegetables.

I love the taste of juicy watermelons, cucumbers, oranges, strawberries...you name it, I love it!

I love the incredible aroma of a roast cooking for hours in the slow cooker.

I even love to go grocery shopping where I'm completely surrounded by food and am eager to create both nutritious and mouth-watering meals for my precious family and friends God has graciously blessed me with. I think you get the picture...

I LOVE FOOD!
______________________________

So why I am so grateful to God for such a thing? Because my body seems to hate it, yet my love for food is something I believe is a gift from God that has helped me to survive.

It is good to give thanks to the LORD, to sing praises to your name, O Most High; to declare your steadfast love in the morning, and your faithfulness by night.
~ Psalm 92:1-2

You see, if God had not given me such a fondness of food, I'm sure that I would either be dead, or much more ill than I am. Because I love food so much, regardless of how painful eating is, I keep doing it.

For those of you who have been with me for a while know that I have a lot of health issues. And most, if not all of it is surrounded by my very weak and sickly digestive system.

I nearly died in November 2007, have had countless procedures, tests, ER visits and throw in there a couple of surgeries, and what do you have? A train wreck; a.k.a. me. If it's not one thing, it's another. And not that I'm comparing myself to Job or would ever consider myself as righteous as he, but my life for the past five (5) years seems to imitate his a bit - at least, health wise, that is. Just after one doctor tells me of a disease that has attacked my body, and before he/she can finish telling me what we must do; another doctor is calling to tell me of yet another condition or disease that needs immediate attention.

______________________________

Cutting to the chase:

In March of this year, I had a bout with colitis and unnecessary scripts that put me in the ER twice that month. Needless to say, I'm not taking any of those meds anymore.

I was recently diagnosed with IBS and put on meds for that, and while it seemed to help a bit, it didn't make enough of a difference for the very harsh side affects I experienced. So, unfortunately, I had to stop taking that.

My GI doc also discovered I don't produce lactase, the enzyme necessary for our bodies to digest lactose which is in pretty much everything. Due to this, my body kicks out most of what I eat. Very painful. So I have to take three Lactaid pills before every meal and two before snacks. Basically, I can't eat without taking it. It seemed to calmed things down...for about 2 weeks anyway.

I have a new family doctor (who just happens to be my Pastor's wife) and she's FABULOUS! She's not only REALLY, REALLY smart, but she's compassionate and more importantly, loves our Lord Jesus Christ.

I've been having memory problems (i.e., forgetting simple things, new things, and old things, as well as people I've sat down and visited with for several hours). All this has been going on for a few years now and it's gotten worse this past year. About 8 months ago, I also began to have breathing problems, tingling in my hands and feet as well as tremors in my hands and sometimes all over my body and I'm always tired and very weak. I often feel as if I'm going to fall down or pass out. Of course, all this is in addition to my digestive issues I continue to have.

Well, my wonderful new family doctor found out I have Vitamin B12 and Vitamin D deficiencies which pretty much explains most of my recent symptoms. My body is not absorbing B12. So I started my B12 shots which I will need for the rest of my life and have taken my first round of 50,000 units of Vitamin D.
______________________________

Today...

I'm headed to the ER again in just a few hours. Why? Well, without going into all the gory details, let's just say that in the last 48 + hours, my body has chosen to flush me out about 40 times within the first 24 hours and about 20 more in the last 24 or so. All this with only one meal on Wednesday. No, it's not food poisoning. This has just been my life for the past five years. I was told by both my fam doc and GI doc to go to the ER yesterday, but honestly, I just didn't feel like it (not that I ever do). I was very tired and just wanted to get some sleep before I was poked and prodded for another 7+ hours. So like a good girl (sort of) I'm going after we get the boys off to school today.

The reason why I'm sharing this is because I believe that often without sharing the "yucky yucks" of our lives we don't really appreciate the beauty of God's gifts to us; as simple as they might seem at the time. But truly, there are no gifts from our great God that are simple...now are there?

Our God is an awesome God and He always answers the prayers of His children. They may not be the answers we want, like "No" or "Wait". And sometimes His answers may not come at the time we desire either. But regardless of whether or not we like, understand or are impatient for the answer; we can know for sure that our God's answers are always perfect in timing and righteous in nature.

By awesome deeds you answer us with righteousness, O God our salvation, the HOPE of all the ends of the earth and of the farthest seas
~ Psalm 65:5

So I praise and exalt the name of the LORD God Almighty. Why? Simply, because He is worthy.

The circumstances in our lives may change but our circumstances don't determine who God is, nor do they change who God is. He is kind, He is merciful, God is gracious, full of compassion and forgiving. Only in God is there hope and only in Him is there true peace. The Lord God remains the same: robed in His majesty; enthroned on high; reigning in righteousness, goodness and truth.

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed in us.
~ Romans 8:18

Therefore it is good to praise, give thanks and find joy in God first thing in the morning and to remember His faithfulness at night; whether He's brought us through trials or given us much rest. Either way, He has carried us; therefore it is only fitting that we give honor and glory where it is due - and the Lord our God is truly worthy.

So, no matter where you are and no matter what's happening in your life, I invite you to worship, praise and glorify the LORD with me! Truly, there is no better place on earth to be!


Let this be recorded for a generation to come,
so that a people yet to be created may praise the LORD:
that He looked down from His holy height;
from heaven the LORD looked at the earth,
to hear the groans of the prisoners,
to set free those who were doomed to die,
that they may declare in Zion the name of the LORD,
and in Jerusalem His praise,
when peoples gather together,
and kingdoms, to worship the LORD.
~ Psalm 102:18-22
Our Lord Jesus Christ, willingly and lovingly laid down His life to free us from the captivity of sin. His gift of life has been offered to us freely, but it cost Him everything He had.

When someone you don't even know lays down their life for your benefit; believe me, you have been loved, whether or not you deserved it.

May we never forget and may we always be grateful and humbled that someone would dare risk their lives for our sakes.

Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. (John 15:13)

~ Jesus the Christ



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