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"Hi Sunny, I found your blog not too long ago and I am amazed at your heart for the Lord. I am no where even close to feeling what you feel for God. It always seems to be a struggle for me. It is a long story.

As I read your post in regard to your husband's diagnosis I noticed at the bottom you included this statement in regard to yourself, "in addition to of all that the Lord has chosen for me regarding my health", I have to admit I was amazed to see that. In regard to your statement I wonder if you can explain to me how you came to the place of knowing that your illness is something God has chosen for you? Can you tell me where you found Scripture in regard to this so I can see it and perhaps apply it in my own situation although mine is quite different from yours in that I have constant pain and no diagnosis. It is scary sometimes, yet you seem to have peace. I guess I haven't learned to trust God very well. Blessings to you and thank you for sharing your faith the way you do.
~ L"

Dearest sister L,

Thank you so much for writing and sharing your heart with me.

First, I’d like you to know that I am saddened to hear about your condition sister and have been praying for you every since I received your email. Second, I pray that Lord God will give me words of comfort and relief, imparting much grace to you sister, so that your faith may be built up and your hope in God restored.

You asked where in Scripture I have found the confidence to say that God has “chosen” these past 7 years of illness for me and how you may also apply these same Scriptures to your life and your situation.

Here are some of the Scriptures the Lord has graciously provided for me:

Psalm 139:16
“Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.”

Job 2:10
“But he said to her, ‘You speak as one of the foolish women would speak. Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?’ ”

Psalm 73:24-26
“You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will receive me to glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”

Romans 8:28-29
“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers.”

1 Corinthians 4:16-18
“So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.”

There are many more, but I believe these will suffice for the purpose of confirming that God is truly sovereign and nothing happens in our lives without His choosing or consent and that the greatest good in our lives is to have the privilege of being conformed into the perfect image of His Son, Jesus Christ, the Lord and Master of our souls.

In all the above Scriptures, God has spoken plainly to His children in regards to His unfailing love, mercy and abundant grace that is poured out to us from His glorious riches through Christ Jesus our Lord (Ephesians 1:17-23).

You specifically asked where this faith and trust I have in the LORD came from. My faith itself and the measure of it came from God (Romans 12:3) – both the faith necessary for salvation (Ephesians 2:8-9) and the spiritual gift of faith (1 Corinthians 12:9). For those whom the Lord hasn’t chosen to give the spiritual gift of faith, may request an increase, as our Father God generously provides all things in Christ to those who ask with a humble and genuine heart. If our almighty Father God has generously given us His one and only begotten Son, is there any good thing God would withhold from us if we ask?

As far as how I came to trust God the way I do…well, it came mostly from reading, studying and meditating on His word, and believing Him. The rest of it came from seeing His word fulfilled without fault, in every aspect of my life.

God taught me at a very young age that whether I suffer persecution or any physical trial that is common to all, His love for me is far greater than the pain of any suffering; and that no suffering of any person will ever be greater than the pain in which my Savior, Christ Jesus the Lord, suffered in my stead.

My great trust and deep abiding faith was cultivated through the fires of many adversities in my life, in which the LORD God, in His great wisdom and sovereignty chose/allowed. Though at the time I could not say what I am saying now with the same measure of confidence and gratitude towards God, I now see myself more soberly as I meditate more on God’s glory and less on my circumstances.

I think most often, we become disgruntled with God or lose our faith in Him, because we do not view God as He has revealed Himself to us through His word. Instead, it seems many people, whether Christians or non-Christians, tend to hold a view of God that is contrary to who He says He is. In other words, we’ve made an idol to worship, attached the name “Jesus” to our idol and then say things like, “Well, my god would never allow such evil or painful things to happen.” And honestly, that statement is true because that god is a false god and is void of any power. On the other hand, my God, the one and only true living God is all powerful and states clearly in His word that He never promises that His children will not encounter storms in their lives (John 16:33). Instead He promises that when the storms come, no matter how scary, violent or horrendous they may be, He is more powerful than all storms and will safely see you to the other side.

I’m not perfect and I too, from time to time have forgotten this truth; much like the disciples in Mark 4:35-40. In this passage, the disciples were terrified of the great storm that came upon them as they sailed to the “other side”. Now, these were seasoned fishermen, who had undoubtedly endured many fierce storms in their lifetime. So I am sure, this was no usual storm that caused such fear in these men. But after Jesus rebuked the wind and the sea, He also rebuked the disciples, stating that they had no faith because they were afraid. On the surface, this seems to be a harsh rebuke from the Lord, but since we know that the Lord is not harsh with us, we must search deeper so that we might know and understand Him better. Why did our Lord Jesus question their faith? Well, because the disciples forgot two essential things the Lord already told them.

  • He, God, will be traveling in the boat with them; they will not be left alone.
  • He, God, said, “Let us go across to the other side.” He did not say, “let us try to go to the other side.”

Like the disciples, I have had times when my faith is weak and my trust is questionable, not because God is weak or because His word is questionable, but only because I forget what He’s already said and what He’s already done. And why does this happen? Because I forget to do one very simple thing…daily – give God thanks in all circumstances (1 Thessalonians 5:18) and view my life from an eternal perspective.

The lack of gratitude for God’s promise that He will never leave us nor forsake us, and the lack of remembering that God has said and proven that He always gets His people to the “other side”, breeds weak faith.

So what are some practical ways you can apply the above Scriptures to your life so that your faith may be strengthened? I've listed below, some things I do to "work out my faith" (Philippians 2:12) and remain steadfast in the Lord:

  1. Feed your eternal spirit (read/mediate on Scripture) at least as often as you feed your temporal body (a minimum of 3 times per day)
  2. Give God your first fruits by starting the day in thanksgiving, prayer and listening intently to His counsel through His word and worship Him in spirit and in truth
  3. Look for opportunities to live out all that He is faithful to teach you. Be intentional. Don’t wait for opportunities to hit you over the head, seek them out and find someone to bless each day
  4. Seek out occasions in which you can practice humility
  5. When trials come your way, ask God two things: a) What lesson can I learn from this Lord? b) How can I use this experience to honor you and bring you glory?
  6. End each day, repenting of any sins and thanking God for His faithfulness and mercy as you recount all His goodness to you.
Most merciful and gracious Father God in Heaven, please help my sister and others out there who feel the same as she does. Give them the faith you have given me and impart to them the same comfort and rich blessings you have bestowed upon me. I know that I am not better or more deserving than others, so Father, please I pray, give to them as you have given to me, for with You, there is no favoritism. Strengthen their weak faith Lord and graciously teach them Your way. With great love and gratitude in Christ, I thank You Father. Amen.
...I'm not fearful,
...I'm not in dread,
...I'm not fretting over my 7 years of declining health,
...I'm not feverishly seeking physical healing,
...and I'm not afraid to die or face the rest of my life this way.

But what I am, is grateful -- to all of you for your fervent and faithful prayers on my behalf. And also for your precious prayers for my wonderful husband and sons. I'm also very grateful to all of you for your encouraging comments and emails. And I want to stay this way.

For those of you who have been faithfully praying for me, please don't pray for anything I've listed above, for these are not the things I need. I need prayers for my attitude, for there are times that I truly get sick and tired, of being sick and tired, and I just want to go Home. Selfish, I know, but it's the hard and real truth. Sometimes I lose focus on what's important -- Jesus Christ and living for His pleasure and glory alone. And when I do this, I have pity parties and even some temper tantrums. And these are the things I need prayer for. And these are the things my family needs prayer for, because, well, as we all know..."When Mama ain't happy. Ain't nobody happy!"

"We also want to continue throughout the day expressing gratefulness for the innumerable manifestations of God's grace. It's as if God is placing sticky-notes in our lives as daily reminders of His presence and provision. They're everywhere. How alert and perceptive of them are you? Are you a thankful observer of the countless indications of His provision, His presence, His kindness, and His grace?

An ungrateful person is a proud person. If I'm ungrateful, I'm arrogant. And if I'm arrogant, I need to remember God doesn't sympathize with me in that arrogance; He is opposed to the proud."

~ C.J. Mahaney, HUMILITY: True Greatness 
(Colorado Springs, CO: Multnomah Books,
a division of Random House, Inc., 2005), 71

As wives and mothers, God has given us a great gift to set the tone; the atmosphere for our families. And in Christ, we've been given the awesome freedom to choose: love, peace, joy, gratitude and humility or self-focus, impatience, judgmentalness, selfishness and pride. We can walk around acting as if we deserve to be served by others because we feel we've already done so much, or we can realize the truth that our litmus test is based on what Christ Jesus our Lord has done and not what we or others have done, or are doing.

"For if anyone thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself. But let each one test his own work, and then his reason to boast will be in himself alone and not in his neighbor. For each will have to bear his own load."
~ Galatians 6:3-5

The truth is, Jesus, our Lord and Master, left Heaven, where He was adored, perfectly obeyed and worshiped, and given His due praise. Our Lord Jesus left this blissful state, to come to earth to be mocked, tested, falsely accused, feel hunger, physical pain and ultimately sacrifice His life to save ours. NOTHING can compare to this. NOTHING we can every say or do can compare to the humble state and awesome love of God our Father, perfectly and fully demonstrated to us in Christ Jesus our Lord. And if our Lord, during some of His last hours here on earth, knelt down to wash the filthy feet of ungrateful, unfocused and self-elevating disciples; and did it with great love, then how can any of us stand up and claim we deserve to be served or cared by others because of anything we have done?

"Now before the Feast of the Passover, when Jesus knew that His hour had come to depart out of this world to the Father, having loved His own who were in the world, He loved them to the end."
~ John 13:1

And this is how we ought to love one another, with this eternal view, no matter what may come our way. This is the view I have trouble keeping from time to time. And when I forget this profound truth, then I am apt to become ungrateful for any good done to me (especially if I've determined the good done to me, is a small matter); not realizing that any act of kindness done to me, is a gift from God and a powerful act of His mercy to provide me some relief from my troubles.

The prayers I need, are not for physical healing -- as I believe God will heal me in His perfect timing, whether on this side of Heaven or the other; and honestly, I have no preference.

But I do need prayers to keep an eternal perspective and attitude, that is, humility and gratitude, so that I may always rightly see myself in the light of God's glory and serve my family, and others considering their needs above my own, regardless of how I may be feeling physically or emotionally.

"It is evident that man never attains to a true self-knowledge until he has previously contemplated the face of God, and come down after such contemplation to look to himself."
~ John Calvin


Let's Be Honest:
  1. Do you recognize that any act of kindness towards you, is the active demonstration of God's mercy poured out to you?
  2. Or is your gratitude level dependent on the value you've put on any kindness shown to you (i.e., "It was a small thing for so and so to give me this or that", "I'll say "thank you" or respond to that person, when it's most convenient for me", "So and so ought to care for me this way, because I've given so much to others; now it's time for me to receive", etc.)?
  3. What is your response to C.J. Mahaney's quote above?
Is it just me, or do any of you have to learn the same lesson, over and over again?

For the past several days, I've been in a bit of a gloomy mood...which is very awkward for someone named "Sunny". But the truth is, since this past Thursday, I've been in a pit of despair, frustration, sadness and even a bit of anger. Until last week, I didn't know all those emotions could co-exist, but apparently they can, and did.

Why did this happen? Well, last Thursday, I didn't get the greatest news from my most recent blood work. I knew I'd not been feeling well for the past month or so, but I kept thinking it was something else. Anything else besides that my health was still declining. I thought it could be something seasonal, something temporal that would go away just as quickly as it seems to have come. I was sure that despite how I felt, I was doing better. After all, I was doing everything my doctors asked me to do and more. As weak as I felt, I began to be sure to get regular exercise. I walked 2 miles, 3 to 4 times a week, was doing lunges on my walks, push ups when I got home, crunches, and even running a bit. I was making sure I continued to eat healthy and make sure I was getting more than enough B12 and D, as well as getting out in the sun more. Like I said, I was doing everything my doctors asked and more.

Needless to say, this was the first blood work I was quite excited about. I was sure that my numbers would be good...really good. I mean, so good that I would no longer have to get B12 shots or take 50,000 units of vitamin D anymore. I was sure lots of things would change; my liver would heal and my kidneys would be better. I set myself up for a big fall. I crashed and nearly burned, had I not remembered this:

"I will give thanks to the LORD with my whole heart;
I will recount all of Your wonderful deeds.
I will be glad and exult in You;
I will sing praise to Your name, O Most High."
~ Psalm 9:1-2

I've been  here before and had forgotten that the LORD has already provided me the Way out of all my sorrows -- His Way, the Way of my Savior and Lord, Jesus Christ. The Lord has taught me through His word that all my troubles are temporal; even if they last 7 years, it is still temporal. Only His salvation and my life in Christ is eternal and everlasting.

"So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light and momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison., as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal."
~ 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

So here I am, learning the same lesson the Lord taught me just a few months ago...to pray without ceasing, rejoice in every circumstance and learn to truly be content no matter what comes my way.

I didn't realize until now, that I had been fooling myself. I thought I was being content in all things, but when I didn't get the news I wanted, contentment was not even a consideration. Which made it obvious that I had not been in enough prayer and I had fallen into the deception of believing that I was content because I had created a situation that I would be content with; getting a good report on my health because it's been a year since I began treatment, and also because I've pushed myself to do more than I was asked. I fooled myself into believing that all my efforts had cured me. I was wrong.

As with all things, it is not by our efforts that save us or do anything for us...that is, anything that is lasting. It is by faith in God, fully trusting Him and His omnipotence to do all things through our weak and frail bodies.

(**Incidentally,  the day I  had a bit of a tantrum due to my latest lab results, my oldest son asked me, "Mama, may I run a quick errand?" I said, "Sure!" A few minutes later he arrived  home with this beautiful bouquet of flowers, hoping to cheer me up. Am I a blessed woman or what? ♥)

So, what's the news that set me off my path of thanksgiving and praise? The news was that in spite of all my efforts, my numbers have actually declined rather than risen, or even, at the very least, stayed the same. Not only have my B12 and vitamin D fallen (and once again teetering on being low), we found out my C02 is now low as well and if this continues...well, let's not go with the "if's". :-) I'll just stick with what I know.

I know that God is good. I know that God is sovereign. I know that God loves me and that He keeps all His promises. I know that by His Word (Jesus) alone do I have breath and eternal life. I know that His word strengthens me and gives me sure footing that I may not stumble (Psalm 40:2, 119:45). I know God is gracious. I know God is merciful and I know God is full of compassion and will never give me any more than I can handle. I know that He will never leave me or forsake me. And I know He will always give me a level path to travel, so that I may praise Him all the days of my life. I know all these things about our great and mighty God; and my soul is comforted.

If you're going through a difficult lesson that you're having to re-learn, will you join me in praising our awesome and mighty Father God for His incredible patience and mercy? Will you join me in thanking God for re-teaching us lessons over and over again? Will you join me in giving God all the glory for all His goodness to us, because of Christ Jesus?

Let's worship. Shall we?
...the fathers & mothers,
sons & daughters,
brothers & sisters,
uncles & aunts,
cousins & grandparents,
who sacrificed their lives,

so that,

we can celebrate this special day
Memorial Day

with all our family members.

The cost of freedom is not free.

"Memorial Day, which falls on the last Monday of May, commemorates the men and women who died while serving in the American military. Originally known as Decoration Day, it originated in the years following the Civil War and became an official federal holiday in 1971. Many Americans observe Memorial Day by visiting cemeteries or memorials, holding family gatherings and participating in parades. Unofficially, at least, it marks the beginning of summer...It was first widely observed on May 30, 1868..."
~ quote found on: History.com

Many willingly, lovingly and proudly gave up the their lives, their hopes and dreams,
so that you and your family can live out theirs.

Many willingly, lovingly and proudly gave up their family members,
so that you wouldn't have to give up yours.


So, when you celebrate today; when you and your children enjoy this 3-day weekend, don't forget to remind yourself and everyone you're celebrating with, why you have the freedom and joy of celebrating this day together. Don't forget to remind yourself and those you're with why you're all able to safely pray, worship, read your Bibles, laugh and eat together. Don't forget those men and women who gave up their lives so that you could. Don't forget those men and women who gave up their family members so that you could. Don't forget that while you're celebrating today, some are weeping.

Don't forget...

the example that was set for us to sacrifice our lives for the sake of others, was established for us almost 2,000 years ago, when the most awesome and perfect sacrifice was made.

When you celebrate today, don't forget...

That without Jesus Christ, you will never have true freedom.

The freedom to worship the LORD God Almighty because you are no longer considered His enemy.

The freedom to no longer be enslaved to your sin nature and the power of Satan, because Jesus crucified your sins in His body on the Cross at Calvary and defeated the devil and his power over us.

The freedom from suffering the second death, which is eternal damnation in Hell for all those who have not repented and trusted in Christ; the one and only Savior for all mankind.

Don't forget to thank God for the greatest sacrifice known in all the earth. Don't forget to thank God for every sacrifice made in the past and even today, so that you may enjoy your freedom.

And don't forget to pray for all the men, women and their families who are missing one another today, because another war has separated them so they can not enjoy what you are enjoying today...

peace and rest.
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