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...here I am
...again
...another surgery
...number four
...all within a five year time frame.


So let's recap. In the past nine years: I've had 4 surgeries; 6 ER visits; 5 colonoscopies and endoscopies; 4 hospital admits; multiple biopsies of my stomach and esophagus; one biopsy of skin and muscle (from my thigh); one biopsy of my liver; countless MRI's of my brain and spinal column; multiple CT Scans, sonograms, x-rays and other procedures; one MRA of my brain;  a cholecystectomy due to sepsis; partial hysterectomy due to enlarged uterus with polyps and menorrhagia; lumbar surgery with a double discectomy and spinal fusion; cervical spine surgery with triple discectomy and spinal fusion.

Neck brace that keeps me safe.
Over the course of these eight years I've been diagnosed with: NAFLD (non-alcoholic fatty liver disease); hyperlipidemia (high cholesterol and high triglycerides); eosinophilia; RA (rheumatoid arthritis), but only for three years because the Lord chose to completely heal me of that disease overnight; kidney stones; torn calf muscle due to a 3.5 hour charley  horse; torn masseter muscle in my left jaw; torn tendon in my right elbow; severe Vitamin B12 and D deficiencies where my body no longer absorbs, stores or metabolizes these vitamins through foods and sunlight (vitamin D) in a usable form for my body to function normally. All this prevents my organs and soft tissue (muscles, tendons, discs, etc.) to be weak and easily worn or torn.

I have to get my blood drawn and tested every three months (or sometimes more often whenever I get "sick"). I also have to daily take large dosages of vitamins, enzymes and prescription medications and make sure I get a lot of rest in order to keep me alive and functioning as "normal" as possible. I exercise regularly and eat well, and all my doctors (I have many) have told me that there's really nothing more I can do to help my situation. This is just the way my body works...or more accurately...doesn't work.

My bride of Frankenstein scar.
Multiple doctors have told me multiple times that they were afraid I as going to die and there was nothing they could do to stop it because they can't find the cause. This is when I tell them that I know I'm dying...and so are they. I may die sooner than some, but we're all going to die one day because every human being who has lived, is living, or will live on this planet (except for Christ) is infected with the most deadly and nearly incurable disease—sin, that is, the inability to be holy by perfectly keeping and obeying God's law and meeting His standard of perfection.

We live in a sin-filled world because it's inhabited by sin-filled people, with some who are aware of this deadly disease, and few that have come to know the one and only Cure; faith in Jesus Christ, the only Son of God.

Throughout this journey of health crisis, I've learned more about God's grace, mercy, immeasurable love and compassion and His exceeding kindness toward the least deserving and most wretched person I know...me.

Some have said this isn't fair and others have asked why God would allow such horrible things to happen to me.

To say this isn't fair or to question God's allowance for what we deem to be "bad" or "evil" is to assume two erroneous thoughts:
  1. That I'm a good person and deserve good things (Rom 3:10);
  2. That God owes me (Job 41:11).
But neither are true. I am most certainly not a good person (morally pure; perfect). And if we're all honest with ourselves, I don't think any of us would claim we're morally perfect, that is, completely undefiled by sin. The second assumption is that God owes me. God owes no one...anything. He is God, we are not. He is the Creator. We are the created.

God created everything we see, feel, touch and even those celestial beings and things we can't see, hear or touch. God alone owns everything since He made everything, therefore He doesn't owe anyone anything. But in the converse, we owe Him everything: the air we breathe, the food we eat, any love, kindness and goodness that's shared with us. But more than that, we owe Him our lives, love and devotion because out of His grace and mercy He gave us His one and only Son; to leave His heavenly throne and come to earth as a humble babe; to live the perfect life so that He would be qualified to make the perfect sacrifice for the sins of many; to save our souls from what we all deserve, what we earned for ourselves—complete rejection, the wrath of God, and eternal damnation in Hell (Rom 6:23, Eph 2:8-9).
Hallelujah! 2 weeks later, my brace is off!
The scar will remain for about a year or so, but
I hear every good soldier has battle wounds. :)

But because God so loved the world, He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believes in Him, shall have eternal life. And because God is more kind than I could ever understand, I am one of those whom He chose to grant eternal life through faith in Christ Jesus the Lord; the only Way to the Father; the only Way to Heaven; the only way to be forgiven of all my sins.

We all live in a broken world with broken bodies. And I understand that well.

But because of God's great mercy and grace, neither this broken world nor this broken body is my home. My Home is with God. My life is hid in Christ and so while I live in the same world as all of you, and I live in a body that causes me great pains, because my soul (which is eternal) abides in Christ, I am not broken...I have been made whole, I have been declared righteous (1 Peter 2:24).

Though at times, throughout this journey I have been depressed, frustrated and just plain tired of it all, I give thanks to God my Father, that I He has made it so I don't live in these temporary emotions, but He has made it so that I live, I abide in the one and only living God; and in Him, I am strong, I am perfect and I am well (2 Cor 12:9-10).

The challenge in this life is to remember that everything, our joys and sorrows are all as temporary as this world and is daily passing away. So hold loosely to all that is here and cling tightly only to Christ Jesus.

Daily I have to choose to think on all that is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent and worthy of praise (Philippians 4:8). And you know what that intentional choosing to captivate my mind (2 Cor 10:5) rather than allowing it to captivate me does? It always brings me right to my Lord Jesus, because He alone qualifies for all that is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent and worthy of praise. And instantly my heart and soul are lifted to the eternal good lavished on me by my Father God in Heaven.

Though there are times I succumb to the natural human emotions of trials, I do not live in them, because my Lord Jesus made me a new creation and I am now free to live in Him and the supernatural richness and fullness of His glorious grace (Ps 84:11; Eph 1:18-19, 3:16; Rom 8:32)!

One titanium plate and eight screws later...my body is still broken, but my spirit that's been united with Christ, has been healed and it is strong.

"So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal."
~2 Corinthians 4:16-18
During the past 20 plus years I've discipled and counseled women and teen girls, I've often been asked,  "God's humbled and broken me enough! When will this trial end?" My response? "Apparently, neither has happened."

Sadly, I've witnessed too many professing Christians say they are humbled, yet live with hardened and calloused hearts as they deceptively believe God Almighty owes them something.
"Who has first given to Me, that I should repay him? Whatever is under the whole heaven is Mine...Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and how inscrutable His ways!

'For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who has been His counselor?'
'Or who has given a gift to Him that He might be repaid?'

For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be glory forever. Amen."
~Job 41:11, Rom 11:33-36
Many Christians (especially here in America) feel entitled; they've done everything right and still, God does not give them their hearts' greatest desire and they become angry, bitter and falsely pious. They begin to find their faith futile, and while they continue to present themselves as steadfast and immovable in the public's eye, their soul is filled with unrest, anxiety and haunts of past heartaches.

Unfortunately this public display of false piety forces the entitled and arrogant person to lash out on
those they think will dismiss their cruelty (e.g., spouse, children, extended family members and friends) confident that their inconsiderate, hurtful and self-centered actions and words will remain hidden.

To increase their sin, rather than truly repent, they throw a bone at their loved ones with flattery, false accolades, smooth words of adoration and sometimes, even tangible "gifts"; not so the recipient's wounds are healed, but so they themselves might once again feel justified by their own "righteous" acts (Is 64:6).

This is truly a sad way for any professing Christian to live.

How do Christians stumble into this deceptive world of entitlement? This happens when we forget daily to see ourselves in view of the Cross of Christ, His glorious life, condescension, suffering, death, resurrection and ascension that saves us from God's wrath, eternal damnation in Hell and hopelessness of living this life enslaved to the sin in our flesh.
"For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness,and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. For whoever lacks these qualities is so nearsighted that he is blind, having forgotten that he was cleansed from his former sins."
~2 Peter 1:5-9 (emphasis mine)
When we merely view Jesus as a carpenter, our dirty and lowly fix-it man, who's sole purpose is to "fix" our lives and make us happy; from this blasphemous view of Christ our God, we easily succumb to the lie that God is for us, not because He is good, but because we are. Nothing could be further from the truth, for God alone is good and He alone can produce any good (Mk 10:18, James 1:16-17).

Even the good things we do, originate from the Lord, not from us. Except for the Spirit of Christ, there is no good within us (Rom 3:10-18).
"For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them...Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling  for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work  for His good pleasure.

Do all things without grumbling or questioning, that you may be  blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world"
~Eph 2:10, Philippians 2:112-15 (emphasis mine)
God has recorded throughout Scripture, a person who is truly broken and humbled says something more like: "As long as it takes, Lord, as long as it takes. Break me, mold me and mend me. I am your slave. Do to me as You please. I hope, trust...my life, is in You alone."

A truly humble spirit seeks God to test them and discipline them (Ps 139:23-24, Heb 12:11) because they wisely understand the good fruit that is born from trials that are mightily and righteously fashioned by the loving hands of God our Father, who faithfully conforms us into the beautiful image of His beloved Son (Rom 8:28-29).

Asaph, the Levite and Habakkuk the prophet are both familiar with this truth. By God's grace, He recorded in His word: pleas, bitter cries and complaints of His children, as they struggle to see the good work of God, amidst the wreckage of a sin-filled and fallen world.

They loved God with all their hearts, souls, minds and strength, therefore were greatly burdened by the appearance that God was not only overlooking the evil around them, but also ignoring their prayers for God's help and for Him to intervene and exact His justice on the evil while relieving any and all pains and heartaches from His people who are called by His name.

In Psalm 73, Asaph begins his plea with this:  "Truly God is good to Israel, to those who are pure in heart. But as for me, my feet had almost stumbled, my steps had nearly slipped. For I was envious of the arrogant when I saw the prosperity of the wicked." Here, Asaph sets up this wonderful encounter he had with God; where he learned that he was not truly broken by the evil he witnessed around him, but rather, he had become calloused by his false piety in light of his "righteous works".

At the end of this psalm, Asaph is humbled after he sees himself in the glorious truth of who God is, and all the Lord has saved him from. It's ironic that this Levitical priest who was assigned as the leader of worship and praise for God's people, struggled with the same self-righteousness we do; which inevitably hardens our hearts and makes us blind to all the good God is working, even in the midst of this sin-wrought world.
"But when I thought how to understand this, it seemed to me a wearisome task, until I went into the sanctuary of God; then I discerned their end...

When my soul was embittered, when I was pricked in heart, I was brutish and ignorant; I was like a beast toward You. Nevertheless, I am continually with You; You hold my right hand. You guide me with Your counsel, and afterward You will receive me to glory. Whom have I in heaven but You? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides You. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
~Psalm 73:16-17, 21-26 (emphasis mine)
Habakkuk went through something similar. If you've never read this short book before, I suggest you do (it's only three chapters long).

In the book of Habakkuk, he complains to God, much like Asaph.

Habakkuk complains twice, God answers the prophet twice, God gives him two oracles and one vision; then, Habakkuk prays a most faith-filled prayer...one we should all aspire to pray with all our hearts.
"Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD; I will take joy in the God of my salvation. GOD, the Lord, is my strength; He makes my feet like the deer's; He makes me tread on my high places."
~Habakkuk 3:17-19
If today, you are one of those embittered souls who continuously ask God, "Why me, Lord?" or "After all I've done for You and in the name of Your Son, how can You let this happen to me while I see those less righteous than I prospering and living happy, stress-free lives?" —know that you need to humble yourself before God, let go of your false piety and high esteem of yourself and plead to God for forgiveness of your presumptuousness and blasphemous attitude of believing He owes you good, rather than the evil we all deserve.

When you come to the Lord with a genuine and tendered heart to truly hear His voice and do His will (1 Pet 1:22, Matt 5:8), He will gently come to you, quiet your heart with His love and rejoice over you with singing (Zeph 3:17). When this happens, you'll look at yourself, your entire life and those around you with complete sobriety, rather than through the drunken bifocals of pride (Rom 12:3).
"The Lord is far from the wicked, but he hears the prayer of the righteous. The light of the eyes rejoices the heart, and good news refreshes the bones. The ear that listens to life-giving reproof will dwell among the wise. Whoever ignores instruction despises himself, but he who listens to reproof gains intelligence. The fear of the Lord is instruction in wisdom, and humility comes before honor."
~Proverbs 15:29-33
Is there life after death? Are we reincarnated and come back as something else depending on the kind of life we previously lived? Can the dead rise back to life? Is there really a Heaven and Hell?

The answers are: yes, there is life after death; no,  reincarnation isn't real; and yes, when a person dies, they will be resurrected either to eternal life in Heaven with God, or eternal damnation in Hell with Satan and his demons (John 5:28-29).

Two days ago, we rejoiced in the reason why Good Friday is so good—because, once and for all, the penalty for sin was paid in full for those who by faith, repent and trust their lives to Jesus (Hebrews 10:10).

Today, we rejoice that Jesus Christ is risen! The grave that could not hold our Savior, cannot hold us. The power of sin and Satan were defeated so that sinners whom Christ came to save would be guaranteed eternal life in Him.

Many will celebrate today with chocolate, bunnies, Easter eggs, new dresses and hats, forgetting the weightier matter: Christ is risen! And without the suffering, death and resurrection of the Son of God, none of us could have the hope of eternal life.

This life and all that’s in it, is not greater than the next. No, it’s only a shadow of what’s to come after we leave this earth and these bodies. It’s only a glimpse of what we have to look forward to for all eternity. So get ready and be prepared for Jesus’ second coming by putting your hope and trust in Christ alone. Let today be the day of your salvation (2 Cor 6:2), for when He comes again, it will not be as His first coming, as the Lamb of God, no His second coming will be as the Lion of the Tribe of Judah (1 Thess 4:16-17; Hebrews 9:27-28).

Are you ready? If you're not sure, read this article, "Heaven or Hell?" and/or click this link: Need God.

“For if we have been united with Him [Christ] in a death like His, we shall certainly be united with Him in a resurrection like His. We know that our old self was crucified with Him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin. For one who has died has been set free from sin. Now if we have died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with Him. We know that Christ, being raised from the dead, will never die again; death no longer has dominion over Him. For the death He died He died to sin, once for all, but the life He lives He lives to God. So you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus."
~Romans 6:5-11

Marriage is created and defined by God, not man.
The title of this article sounds like the beginning of a bad  joke doesn't it?

Well, it's not. It's a very real and serious topic these days, especially since the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), enacted on September 21, 1996, is on trial, and may possibly be voted into extinction by our government.

While this topic has brewed to the brim from the overflow of deep passions in the hearts of believers and unbelievers, talks about boycotting Starbucks Coffee Company has traveled around the dizzying social media carousel.

You've probably seen the marriage equality profile photos and the "Dump Starbucks" memes on Google Plus, Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest, just as I have. You've also probably read all the Christian news articles encouraging other Christians to take a stand for marriage as God has defined it by boycotting Starbucks and encouraging others to do the same.

To be "Christian" is to have repented of your sins and by faith trusted in Christ, filled with the Holy Spirit, made into a new creation, for the purpose God the Father established beforehand (Eph 2:10, Rom 8:29).

Being Christian, is to be like Christ (Rom 8:29, Gal 2:20), to love what He loves and hate what He hates and define things as He defines it.
"In the beginning was the Word [Jesus], and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things were made through Him, and without Him was not any thing made that was made."
~John 1:1-3
Because we understand that Christ is the Word of God as the second Person of the Trinity, as His disciples, we all agree and understand the LORD alone created marriage, therefore He alone has the right and authority to define it.
"So GOD created man in HIS own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them."
~Gen 1:27
Everything our Creator God made, whether plant-life, animals or human beings, He made them all with the ability and purpose to pro-create. The union of man to man and woman to woman negates that purpose and defies the good and perfect will of God.
"Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, to the dishonoring of their bodies among themselves, because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever! Amen. For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions. For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature; and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error."
~Romans 1:24-27
So what's a Christian to do? How does a Christian stand firmly in the precepts God Almighty has  established and function in this world? Rather than indulge any further in the vicious and futile cycle of human opinion swapping, let's go directly to God's word and see what our Lord says about this.
"I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people—not at all meaning the sexually immoral of this world, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters, since then you would need to go out of the world. But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler—not even to eat with such a one. For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge? God judges those outside. 'Purge the evil person from among you.'"
~1 Cor 5:9-13
In the above passage God states that for Christians to completely abstain from any association with those who practice or support acts that violate His holy commands, a Christian would have to leave this world.

Understand and remember we live in a fallen and sin-filled world full of lost people, surrounded by those who not only indulge in these sins, but support it due to their depraved and darkened minds (Rom 1:21).

Unlike us, the unbelieving world has not been set free by the blood of Christ; their consciences have not been cleansed. Therefore, they are unable to see or understand the truth we do. They are still slaves to sin, but we are slaves to righteousness.

I personally don't plan on purchasing Starbucks coffee. But that's my conviction after much prayer and consideration of all that is happening in our time. How long will I do this? I don't know. I'll leave that up to the Lord. Having said that, I don't judge, nor should I judge another brother or sister in Christ who is not convinced in their own heart to do the same (Rom 12:3, 14:22-23, 15:1-3). I'm no one's Holy Spirit and neither are you.

Let me put it to you plainly. If you decide, as a Christian, that you must boycott every institution that violates God's holy commands and precepts, then you will have to:
  • stop shopping at Target, Kohl's and most grocery stores;
  • stop driving cars, using your phones, computers, tablets and such;
  • boycott Staples, Walmart, and Sam's Club;
  • stop using any public transportation or paved roads, and so much more, because the people who own or run these companies all support some principle that violates our holy God's precepts and they employ people who do the same.
Christ said He left us to live in this world as salt and light, and reminded us that we're not of the world to exhort us to abstain from our personal practice of such evils, not so we could force and boycott the world's institutions to obey God.

As Christians, we know that the world will not cease in practicing or condoning immoral behavior unless they are saved by the power of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. No boycott or any other means of social reform will change the hearts of wicked men and women.

So, stand firmly for the faith you professed in Christ; die to self, uphold God's holy principles in your personal living, exhort other saints to do the same, abstain from evil, cling to what is good, fight the good fight of faith, uphold sound doctrine, and function in this world as an ambassador of Christ; holding fast to the word, shining like stars in a dark and depraved world (Philippians 2:14-17).
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