abandoned to Christ.

As I shared in my last post, it’s been a very painful and grievous two years due to a thorn wedged into my flesh by Satan; but only by the good and wise permission of my sovereign God and Father—who is using this to conform me all the more into the image of His Son, Christ Jesus my Lord, my First and Greatest Love.

But before you take more pity on, or think more highly of me than you ought, I must confess: I am not entirely an innocent “victim”. I played a prominent role in the degree and depth of this pain. I made many foolish decisions, without prayer, that allowed Satan to twist and turn this thorn, further and further into my flesh—causing as much damage, and destroying as many relationships as possible.

For foolishly thinking I could handle this situation on my own (Prov 3:5-8), I repent…with much praise and thanksgiving to my compassionate, gracious, and merciful Father who is slow to anger and abounds in steadfast love. I give thanks for the gift of repentance—the ability to manifest godly sorrow, for it is a pleasant and rich gift, in and through the Son—allowing all God’s children to keep short accounts and unhindered intimacy with our Father (Ps 51:15-17).

Hallelujah!

There is no greater joy in this life or the next, than the joy of Jesus Christ—to freely obey the Father and glorify His holy name. And as a beloved daughter of the Most High God, I get to experience this awesome and heavenly joy, while still living here on this earth.

I get to live in the peace of God that transcends all understanding, because I know with the greatest surety, that my sovereign and good Father, hides me from the secret plots of the wicked who hate me. Hated, not because I have done them evil, but because my Father uses my love and devotion for Christ to expose their feign profession. But this is neither new nor isolated to me. It’s been happening since the beginning of time to all whose names are written in the Lamb’s Book of Life. Every person who falsely professes their love for God, or are prideful and envious saints in Christ, whom God has not gifted the same way in which He has gifted others, have and will continue to assault those they envy (e.g., Aaron and Miriam, Num 12:1-10; David’s older brothers, 1 Sam 17:28 and 1 Sam 18:8-9; Hananiah the false prophet, Jer 28:12-27; the Pharisees, Jn 8:42-47 and Mt 27:17-18).

I share these sorrows, these hardships, not to garner pity, but to encourage, comfort, and exhort and remind all of you, as much as the Lord enables me: Keep your eyes fixed on Jesus Christ.

Our Father has promised us good in all things (2 Cor 4:16-18)…even the painful things. How awesome is His majestic power and love, that even what was meant to do us ill, is turned by the hand of God, to do us good? If our Father uses even the evil works of our enemy, to do us the highest good, that is, to conform us into the image of Christ; what wickedness can truly overcome and destroy a child of the Most High?

None.

Therefore, remember, no matter the size of the wave that threatens to encapsulate us, we who abide in Christ, will always be carried above the waves, or be made to breathe in the depths.

Here my voice, O God, in my complaint;
preserve my life from dread of the enemy.
Hide me from the secret plots of the wicked,
from the throng of evildoers,
who whet their tongues like swords,
who aim bitter words like arrows,
shooting from ambush at the blameless,
shooting at them suddenly and without fear.

They hold fast to their evil purpose;
they talk of laying snares secretly,
thinking, “Who can see them?”
They search out injustice,
saying, “We have accomplished a diligent search.”
For the inward mind and heart of a man are deep.

But God shoots his arrow at them;
they are wounded suddenly.
They are brought to ruin, with their own tongues turned against them;
all who see them will wag their heads.
Then all mankind fears;
they tell what God has brought about
and ponder what he has done.

Let the righteous one rejoice in the LORD
and take refuge in him!
Let all the upright in heart exult!

~Psalm 64, ESV

The great comfort that comes from Psalm 14:6 (that I never noticed before) reminds my downcast heart of my Savior's great comfort, protection, and spiritual sustenance that I needed to hear today...and I didn't even know it. Truly, my God and Father loves me so perfectly in Christ Jesus my Lord, that He knows what I need, even before I ask.

I was greatly comforted by this verse because as Dr. Steve Lawson teaches, the “poor” spoken of in Psalm 14:6 aren’t necessarily those who are poor in the things of this world, but it is speaking of eternal poverty—those who remain dead in their trespasses and therefore, have not the riches of eternal life in Christ our Lord.

In the short clip below, Dr. Steve Lawson does well to teach us that those who hate God's Word; regardless of their profession of loving Him (2 Tim 3:1-8, 12), torment all who desire to live godly lives. Just as Satan masquerades as an angel of light, so do those who are enslaved to do his will (2 Tim 2:24-26).

These past two years, my physical afflictions have increased in severity and frequency due to being tormented and persecuted by Satan, who brought a divisive and harmful soul into my life. As many of you know, our good and wise and sovereign God and Father, deemed me worthy of suffering for the Name for 13 years during my childhood. And now, in my adulthood, my loving and wise God and Father has deemed me worthy of suffering for these past 15 years from the damages done (to most of my organs) from the brutal persecutions of my childhood.

In all these things, I’ve had the high honor and greatest joy of proclaiming the excellencies of Christ my God, whose love far outweighs all the travails of this world (2 Cor 4:16-18).

I’ve been able to successfully flee from the first two places I was tormented by this thorn (Mt 10:23), But when I was followed once again, my heart melted. And I became more depressed and felt all the more trapped after this thorn began seeking to be ministered to as the victim (per usual), while I am not permitted by God (according to Scripture), to say or do anything. So I do the best thing I can. I pray. I pray for my brothers and sisters to have God’s protection, wisdom, comfort, and strength (2 Cor 2:11 and Eph 5:6-16) so that they may not be injured and tempted to sin, as I have been.

I now realize that I’ve been running away from this tormentor due to fear, rather than run to Christ for protection, due to faith.

Even in my prayers, I’ve asked my Father to rid me of this thorn somehow—through granting eternal salvation to this person, or by any means…any means He sees fit—even if it means for me to flee again, or lose all that I hold dear in this life. For He is the LORD, and He is good. And I am reminded by God’s Holy Spirit, His grace is sufficient for me to endure this persecution, and Christ’s power is perfected in me, in my weaknesses.

Therefore, though I will keep praying for relief (no longer removal) of the torment from this thorn, I also thank God that this and all persecutions and trials happen only for my greatest good—to be conformed all the more into the image of His Son. And truly, there is no greater thing in this life or the next, than to be like Jesus!

Yes, it still hurts.

Yes, I still have moments of fearing man, instead of God.

But because my life is hid in Christ, I know assuredly, that though I may have moments of faithlessness, I know that He is always faithfully completing the good work He began in me until I go Home—because He cannot deny Himself (2 Tim 2:13).

So my soul continues to run to my Strong Tower, and with great love and devotion, my heart echos what Kind David wrote in Psalm 40:13-17,

Be pleased, O LORD, to deliver me!

O LORD, make haste to help me!

Let those be put to shame and disappointed altogether

who seek to snatch away my life;

let those be turned back and brought to dishonor

who delight in my hurt!

Let those be appalled because of their shame

who say to me, “Aha, Aha!”

But may all who seek you

rejoice and be glad in you;

may those who love your salvation

say continually, “Great is the LORD!”

As for me, I am poor and needy,

but the LORD takes thought for me.

You are my help and my deliverer;

do not delay, O my God!

I’ve read 2 Samuel numerous times. And I’ve been moved by my Father’s faithful Holy Spirit, to pray what is written in chapter 16, verses 10-14.

And once again, I’ve learned something new, about an old and familiar passage I’ve long loved and prayed to be true in my life. But before I share what our compassionate and faithful and superbly loving Father taught me through His Word, by the power of His Holy Spirit today, allow me to digress for a moment to share a brief summary (and the passage) that has long been a staple of my prayers.

When Shimei (a relative of the late King Saul, whom the LORD deposed of his throne) violently accosted King David and his servants both physically and verbally by hurling stones at them and slandering the good name of King David, one of his mighty men, Abishai (a son of Zeruiah, one of David’s two sisters) being rightly indignant, offers to avenge his king’s integrity by killing Shimei. But King David’s response was a very unusual one. Rather than feel loved and encouraged by Abishai’s undaunted loyalty for him, David actually distances himself from Abishai, rebukes him, and proclaims the excellence of the Almighty’s wise judgment and sovereignty and goodness, for his trust is in God alone—

What have I to do with you, you sons of Zeruiah? If he is cursing because the LORD has said to him, ‘Curse David,’ who then shall say, ‘Why have you done so?’ And David said to Abishai and to all his servants, ‘Behold, my own son seeks my life; how much more now may this Benjaminite! Leave him alone, and let him curse, for the LORD has told him to. It may be that the LORD will look on the wrong done to me, and that the LORD will repay me with good for his cursing today.’ So David and his men went on the road, while Shimei went along on the hillside opposite him and cursed as he went and threw stones at him and flung dust. And the king, and all the people who were with him, arrived weary at the Jordan. And there he refreshed himself.

~2 Samuel 16:10-14, ESV

For many years, my prayer in response to this, has been that the LORD my awesome God and Father, who delights in practicing steadfast love, justice, and righteousness throughout all the earth (Jer 9:23-24), would be pleased to grant me the same humble and wise and submissive heart that He generously poured out to King David. When I am slandered (falsely accused of offenses or sins against God or man), I ask my gracious and merciful Father to grant me the same loyal and devoted heart he gave King David—that I too, may rightly discern all things whether good or evil, are done to me only by the wise judgment of my loving and good Father.

My Savior, my greatest and First Love, kindly granted me my request as soon as I asked. And for years, I have enjoyed the freedom and happiness in Christ to forgive and pray for the slanderer’s soul, and to live in the righteous peace of God with them. Some I can keep near (those who repent, Ps 119:63), and others, I keep at a wise distance (the unrepentant, Prov 9:8; 1 Cor 15:33).

But still, my heart was daily consumed from the ache of all that was lost by slanderers who tore both my earthly family and spiritual Family apart, limb by limb. Though I was no longer enslaved with disdain toward the slanderer, I was tormented by those who so quickly and willingly believed the slanderers’ false accusations about my character, and sins that I neither committed against the lying tongue, nor against those who provided safe harbor for the them to do the devil’s work (cf. Prov 26:20, Rev 12:10). Though my heartache over injustice wrought upon me or other innocent parties is warranted, if my aching, impedes my progress in Christian maturity through the daily reading, studying, and meditating of God’s Word, that is when I’m in sin.

For anything that weighs and slows me down from running my race with faithful fervor and devotion to Christ my God, the Captain who called me into His marvelous light, then I have wrongly given it the glory, the heaviness and grandeur in my mind and heart, that it does not deserve.

Only the LORD of hosts, my God and Father, my Savior and Redeemer, the Rock of my salvation, the Counselor of my soul, rightly deserves the full glory, the full heaviness, and weight of grandeur, and all splendor my small life can manifest. And therefore, this day, I resolve to pray and have applied to me in great measure, from my God, to be granted the heart of King David—a heart not only humbled before the LORD, but also, wholeheartedly entrusts my entire being and every happening in my life to the good and righteous and awesomely wise judgment of the Great I AM.

As of today, by God’s grace, I’ve been freed from the fear of (gratefully) infrequent result of slander—the fear of people I’ve known and loved for many years, and some, decades, easily accepting the false accusations of a divisive spirit, over applying God’s wisdom (Js 3:17-18) by testing all that they hear with God’s Word (Jn 7:24). For the LORD has reminded me today, that no one can be enticed to do evil (Ex 23:1, Ps 101:4-5, Prov 11:9, Eph 4:31), without there already being a seed of discord and bitterness about me, in their own hearts (Js 1:14-15). Eve was quickly and easily deceived by the devil, only because the devil, who is the most craftiest of all creatures, clearly saw that Eve desired to be her own woman—the captain of her own soul. Because Satan was able to clearly deduce Eve’s evil desire, he didn’t even have to apply a stupendous lie. All Satan used to entice Eve to sin, was to blatantly blaspheme God’s good character.

I won’t deny that it’s painful to face the fact that brothers and sisters in Christ, whom I’ve loved and poured out my life in Christ to, would so quickly and easily forget all the good work (of prayer, of service, of comfort, of biblical counsel, etc.) that our LORD gave to them, through me. Though it still pains me, it no longer enslaves me to the grief and depression that Satan uses to impede the pace my Savior has established for me. I resolve to no longer sit by the wayside and fawn over relationships lost to lies. Because if the LORD allowed the slanderer to be successful in throwing stones and cursing my character, then, because my God is the LORD, let my LORD do all that seems good to Him (1 Sam 3:18).

As I read and studied passages that speak of hearing and understanding, and hearing and having no understanding, I thought, “How sad and hopeless it must be, to be able to physically hear the eternal and powerful and most happiest Word from the LORD Most High, yet, have no clue what any of it means. Or worse, to hear the mighty and awesome, sanctifying Word of God, and believe you understand, but turn and twist and misapply the Almighty’s righteous Word.” I’m all too familiar with the gravity of the latter sin, for I’ve done this many times before. And no doubt, will do it again. But by the grace of God my Father and His holy and kind hand that preserves the Good Seed He implanted in me (Php 1:6), the grievous occasion of repeating this sin, decreases as my Father faithfully prunes me.

Is there a greater sadness—to think you have an intimate relationship with the Lord Jesus, but have not? Is there anything more frightful in this life or at the end of your days, than to hear, “Depart from Me you worker of iniquity. I never knew you.”? No, there is not.

Whenever Christ our Lord said, “He who has ears to hear, let him hear” it was always after a statement of the truth of eternal life, found only in Him. This statement of invitation to draw near to Him, in a personal and intimate fashion, is contrasted by what the Lord Jesus says about those whom He has not given spiritual ears to “hear”, the Eternal Word.

And when His disciples asked Him what the parable meant, He said, “To you it has been given to know the secrets of the kingdom of God, but for others they are in parables, so that seeing they may not see, and hearing they may not understand.”

~Luke 8:9-10, ESV (emphasis mine)

Jesus taught that though a person may be able to physically hear, that does not guarantee that they are enabled by His Holy Spirit, to spiritually hear—to understand and obey the eternal words of the only true and eternal God (1 Cor 2:14). Satan knows all the Bible and can quote it better than most professing Christians, but God has not given the devil the divine ability to actually understand and happily submit to and keep the Word of God. Without true repentance and faith in the Son of God alone, no image-bearer of the Most High God is capable of living a godly and righteous life (Rom 8:8, Heb 11:6). Only the true children and disciples of Christ Jesus, have been empowered from on high, to freely understand and obey God’s righteous decrees.

See, I have taught you statutes and rules, as the LORD my God commanded me, that you should do them in the land that you are entering to take possession of it. Keep them and do them, for that will be your wisdom and your understanding in the sight of the peoples, who, when they hear all these statutes, will say, “Surely this great nation is a wise and understanding people.” For what great nation is there that has a god so near to it as the LORD our God is to us, whenever we call upon Him? And what great nation is there, that has statutes and rules so righteous as all this law that I set before you today?

~Deuteronomy 4:5-8, ESV

Those whom God has granted spiritual ears, have been granted the powerful freedom and growing desire to happily obey the law of liberty (Js 1:25, 1 Jn 5:3-5, Heb 11:6). The Apostle Paul, by the power of the Holy Spirit, provides us with a stellar definition of what the law of liberty is, and practical “how-tos” of what it looks like, in any generation, in any circumstance, and in any country where God lovingly and wisely places His children.

“What then? Are we to sin because we are not under law but under grace? By no means! Do you not know that if you present yourselves to anyone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin, which leads to death, or of obedience, which leads to righteousness?

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, He condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us. For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the things of the Spirit is life and peace.

~Romans 6:15-16; 8:1-6, ESV (emphasis mine)

Those who are blessed to live in the law of liberty, are faithfully preserved by God the Father, so that we will (not might) bear distinct, not-of-this-world, holy fruit of the Lord Jesus. Though we may stumble into sin from time to time, we neither love nor live in sin.

But those who neither seek to repent nor seeks to live in God’s peace with others, as much as it is up to them (Rom 12:15), are sadly, self-deceived. And anyone who comforts and provides a safe harbor for such people, are guilty of the same sin, and are also in need of much repentance both toward God and man.

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