...but the flesh is weak.
~ Matthew 26:41b
The first part of this Scripture is: "Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation."
These past six (now going on seven) years of chronic illness has included the highs of God's discipline in my life as He so awesomely reveals Himself as my Father; and the lows of pity parties, self-centered, self-absorbed thoughts and delusions that somehow I'm so special that I deserve better; or because I've been so ill, other people need to make sure I'm their primary thought and should always seek to take care of me.
And in spite of these pity parties I've had over the years (or even recently), the LORD, who is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness (Exodus 34:6) always reminds me to draw near to Him as I give thanks in everything...even in sickness...even in pain...in everything (James 4:8, 1 Thessalonians 5:18, Philippians 4:4-7).
As I write this, I am reminded of the weakness of my body. And frankly, from time to time, I get sick and tired of being sick and tired. Here I sit, limited; limited by my weakened body to do all the things I want to do.
I want to cook for my family, I want to properly take care of my darling husband who has an upper respiratory infection. I want to cook a meal for a sister who just had a precious baby boy and I want to visit her. I want to clean my filthy house and I want to go grocery shopping, do my laundry and attend both my sons' choir events. I want to go to their school open houses (yes, they still have those in high school ☺) and I want meet their teachers so they know that I love my children and are involved in their lives. I want to stop canceling meetings and telling people why I can't volunteer for something or attend things. I want to stop rescheduling things and spending so much time with my doctors and hospitals that I know more about them than my brothers and sisters in Christ. I want to stop feeling sick and tired. I want people to stop asking me how I'm feeling. But at the same time, I want them to care. I want to be able to play with my kids, jump on the trampoline and play basketball with them for more than 10 minutes, and the list goes on.
I want, I want, I want. This is how all the pity parties start. But just as I started in with that again today, the LORD who is so infinitely kind to me in spite of myself, reminded me of my Lord Jesus' words in Matthew 26:41.
"Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak."
Can I get an "AMEN!"?
Thanks be to God, through our Lord Jesus Christ, who has indwelt us with His Holy Spirit and made our spirits alive in Christ; joined with our Master and Savior so that our spirits are truly willing to obey Him, honor Him, and glorify Him although our flesh may be weak and desire otherwise.
Therefore I thank my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, who calls me to pray; to seek His face and call on His name, so that I may not be tempted to stay in the valley and wallow in my self-pity, but instead rejoice in the truth that He has called me to sit at His feet and bask in the beauty of His glorious face...
...and now, I worship.