Laying Myself Down to Lift Christ Up

By the time you read this, I should be at home recovering. As a matter of fact the last few posts you’ve read were written prior to my surgery and were set to post during my stay in the hospital.

For the past four years, I have been very ill. I’ve had endless tests and procedures performed, had two (this being my second) surgeries in seven months, and I’ve even been radioactive! I was glowing from the inside…but we already knew that because the Holy Spirit of God lives in me!

Due to my ever-declining health these past four years, I’ve been very limited in my activities due to frequent debilitating pain and exhaustion. I often felt I was a great burden on my family (they completely disagree, but I’ve struggled with this thought). Many times I asked my Heavenly Father if there was a sin I committed that I was too dunce to recognize, and if He was choosing to reveal it to me through the discipline of this trial. If this was the case, I begged God to make my sin clear to me so that I might learn this lesson and no longer cause my family any further stress due to my personal sin. I also asked if this was happening because of another purpose that didn’t have anything to do with a personal sin issue, could He tell me. But I received no answer except the same one given to the Apostle Paul:

“My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.”
~ 2 Corinthians 12:9

The more I learn about God, the more I realize how very little I know about Him. Because God is so awesome, so great, and so beyond any possible comprehension, my soul is constantly moved to be captivated by Him and His merciful love towards me.

Often, we are all so quick to judge (condemn) one another when God allows successive trials to come our way. I know, because I’ve been guilty of this myself. I suppose that’s why my first question to God was to ask if I had sinned and was being disciplined.

One of the things I’ve learned about my awesome Father God is how He answers His children…and He always does. Sometimes He answers, “Yes”, sometimes, “No”, sometimes, “Wait”, and sometimes, “My grace is sufficient, trust Me.”

God is God and doesn’t owe me an explanation for anything He chooses to do, for all His ways are perfect, good and just. But sometimes He does explain things to His little children, and there are times He doesn’t. One of the reasons He doesn’t is because if He did, due to our finite minds, we wouldn’t understand it any way (1 Corinthians 13:11-12), but in Heaven we will! Another reason is we might do evil with the knowledge He gave us. And since God is not evil, though we may ask Him for something, He will not give it to us, lest we sin (James 4:3).

Therefore I will lay myself down so that my Lord and Savior Christ Jesus may be exalted and lifted up (Galatians 2:20). I choose to relinquish all my desires to increase my knowledge only for personal gain, as well as all of my preconceived dreams of what I’ve always imagined my life would be. Instead, I choose to completely trust my God and Savior for ever breath, during every trial and in every victory, for they are all in Christ alone. And I will steadfastly seek to save the lost regardless of my physical state, trusting it is Christ who proclaims His Gospel through me. May Christ alone receive all glory, honor and praise for any good manifested in my life. For He alone is worthy!

Therefore my soul cries out:

“For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
~ 2 Corinthians 12:10
(emphasis added)