Learning the Same Lesson

Is it just me, or do any of you have to learn the same lesson, over and over again?

For the past several days, I've been in a bit of a gloomy mood...which is very awkward for someone named "Sunny". But the truth is, since this past Thursday, I've been in a pit of despair, frustration, sadness and even a bit of anger. Until last week, I didn't know all those emotions could co-exist, but apparently they can, and did.

Why did this happen? Well, last Thursday, I didn't get the greatest news from my most recent blood work. I knew I'd not been feeling well for the past month or so, but I kept thinking it was something else. Anything else besides that my health was still declining. I thought it could be something seasonal, something temporal that would go away just as quickly as it seems to have come. I was sure that despite how I felt, I was doing better. After all, I was doing everything my doctors asked me to do and more. As weak as I felt, I began to be sure to get regular exercise. I walked 2 miles, 3 to 4 times a week, was doing lunges on my walks, push ups when I got home, crunches, and even running a bit. I was making sure I continued to eat healthy and make sure I was getting more than enough B12 and D, as well as getting out in the sun more. Like I said, I was doing everything my doctors asked and more.

Needless to say, this was the first blood work I was quite excited about. I was sure that my numbers would be good...really good. I mean, so good that I would no longer have to get B12 shots or take 50,000 units of vitamin D anymore. I was sure lots of things would change; my liver would heal and my kidneys would be better. I set myself up for a big fall. I crashed and nearly burned, had I not remembered this:

"I will give thanks to the LORD with my whole heart;
I will recount all of Your wonderful deeds.
I will be glad and exult in You;
I will sing praise to Your name, O Most High."
~ Psalm 9:1-2

I've been  here before and had forgotten that the LORD has already provided me the Way out of all my sorrows -- His Way, the Way of my Savior and Lord, Jesus Christ. The Lord has taught me through His word that all my troubles are temporal; even if they last 7 years, it is still temporal. Only His salvation and my life in Christ is eternal and everlasting.

"So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light and momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison., as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal."
~ 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

So here I am, learning the same lesson the Lord taught me just a few months ago...to pray without ceasing, rejoice in every circumstance and learn to truly be content no matter what comes my way.

I didn't realize until now, that I had been fooling myself. I thought I was being content in all things, but when I didn't get the news I wanted, contentment was not even a consideration. Which made it obvious that I had not been in enough prayer and I had fallen into the deception of believing that I was content because I had created a situation that I would be content with; getting a good report on my health because it's been a year since I began treatment, and also because I've pushed myself to do more than I was asked. I fooled myself into believing that all my efforts had cured me. I was wrong.

As with all things, it is not by our efforts that save us or do anything for us...that is, anything that is lasting. It is by faith in God, fully trusting Him and His omnipotence to do all things through our weak and frail bodies.

(**Incidentally,  the day I  had a bit of a tantrum due to my latest lab results, my oldest son asked me, "Mama, may I run a quick errand?" I said, "Sure!" A few minutes later he arrived  home with this beautiful bouquet of flowers, hoping to cheer me up. Am I a blessed woman or what? ♥)

So, what's the news that set me off my path of thanksgiving and praise? The news was that in spite of all my efforts, my numbers have actually declined rather than risen, or even, at the very least, stayed the same. Not only have my B12 and vitamin D fallen (and once again teetering on being low), we found out my C02 is now low as well and if this continues...well, let's not go with the "if's". :-) I'll just stick with what I know.

I know that God is good. I know that God is sovereign. I know that God loves me and that He keeps all His promises. I know that by His Word (Jesus) alone do I have breath and eternal life. I know that His word strengthens me and gives me sure footing that I may not stumble (Psalm 40:2, 119:45). I know God is gracious. I know God is merciful and I know God is full of compassion and will never give me any more than I can handle. I know that He will never leave me or forsake me. And I know He will always give me a level path to travel, so that I may praise Him all the days of my life. I know all these things about our great and mighty God; and my soul is comforted.

If you're going through a difficult lesson that you're having to re-learn, will you join me in praising our awesome and mighty Father God for His incredible patience and mercy? Will you join me in thanking God for re-teaching us lessons over and over again? Will you join me in giving God all the glory for all His goodness to us, because of Christ Jesus?

Let's worship. Shall we?