Abortions and its effect on marriages: The ugly and rarely spoken truths

Though 18.4% of abortions are performed on married women, the aftermath of the abortion and its effect on her and her husband are rarely discussed, researched or published. There are many arguments for abortion, but none of them are sufficient to relieve the husband or wife’s unbearable grief from participating in their own child’s death.

Most abortions are performed within the first trimester, during the time the baby is not viable. This is an elementary argument. Why? Because it is common knowledge that babies are not capable of surviving independently, from the day they are born and at least, up until they are three years old. If a parent does not feed, cloth and provide adequate shelter for a child within this age range, the child will die. Every mother and father knows this is true.

When is a baby considered alive? Are life and death processes or events? They are both events. You are either alive or you are dead. And nothing dead ever continues to grow and develop. That’s what death is; a cessation of life. And that is what abortion is. It is a procedure that stops a baby’s growth and development. The baby dies. And as expected, the parents mourn, just as any human being with any compassion does when their child dies.

Women should have the right to their own reproductive system. I agree. And compassionate and intelligent choices would be to either abstain from sex for a time, if the couple agrees they don’t desire children at a certain time in their marriage, or have a hysterectomy or a vasectomy if they never desire children at all. A woman will not die if she does not have sex. But if she chooses to engage in the only activity that can produce life, for the sake of self-pleasure, she is choosing to willingly jeopardize the life of an innocent child.

A husband’s story:*
“Ours was no longer the perfect situation, so to my thinking, abortion became the preferred option...

“I was also surprised by my own reactions and feelings. I found that I felt guilty...

“Our country’’s lawmakers had made abortion legal, hadn’’t they?... So, why did I have these feelings? Why was my wife having these problems?...

“But one day I had a revelation... My heart softened and I saw what abortion really was— not a solution to a problem, but the taking of an innocent life.

“This happened after my wife came to realize that she didn’’t need to take her own life to atone for our baby’’s death. She discovered that 2,000 years ago, God had sent His Son, Jesus, to the earth for the sole purpose of dying a painful, agonizing death in order to take the punishment that she deserved. My wife discovered the love of God that day, and accepted Jesus’ death on the cross as payment in full for her own wrongdoing.

“A few months later, the recognition of my own guilt before God led me to understand my need for God’s forgiveness for my sin, as well. We were now able to stand clean before God. We had forgiveness. We had hope.”

A wife’s story:*
“Marriage vows are based on the idea of loving, honoring, cherishing and respecting each other. After an abortion, love can turn to hate, honor to dishonor, respect to disrespect, and cherishing to yesterday’s newspaper.

“What took an abortionist and his staff six hours to undo, took me 18 long years to put back together, both my life and my marriage. Unlike so many other stories, mine has a happy ending. With God’s help and the help of other caring Christians, our marriage and lives have been healed from the wound of abortion and it is no longer a negative issue.”

*Excerpts taken from: http://www.afterabortion.org/pdf/Vol10No2.pdf, The Post-Abortion Review, Vol. 10, No. 2, April-June 2002. The Elliot Institute News