These Eyes Can Still See The LORD

As many of you know, I daily face many serious and painful health challenges. To quote one of my 12 specialists, I have a very "eventful medical history".

And the events continue.

In February of this year,my stellar Optometrist, Dr. Jeff Thomas, found a tiny spot near the macula of my left eye and some bleeding in my back of my right eye. But nothing to be too concerned with at the time.

This past week, my vision began to decrease daily; especially in my left eye. I didn't tell my darling husband Jim until yesterday, because he always makes me call a doctor. The only reason I told him at all, was because my sight has become so hindered in just the past few days, I was sure he would notice. So, to stay out of trouble, I shared it with him as merely an FYI situation. So if he notices that I can't see something, then he'll have a heads up. The end.

Unfortunately, my darling Jim mistook my simple FYI for a, "Should I call the doctor?" Long story short, per my husband's direction, I called my Dr. Thomas' office only to obey my husband and give them an update. I knew that they were only seeing emergency cases, and was sure this would not fall under that category. So though I felt this call unnecessary, I did as my darling husband asked.

The options Dr. Thomas' office is kindly offering patients is: phone triage, update to her manager and/or Dr. Thomas to let them determine if we can simply do a triage phone call, tele-visit, or in-person visit.

After Dr. Thomas called me yesterday, he determined that I needed to be seen in person for further testing. And he made an appointment to be seen earlier this morning.

We found out that since February, the teeny tiny spot near my macula in my left eye has grown quite a bit in a short amount of time. I now have two cysts that are causing swelling near my macula—cystoid macular edema (CME). And a little thinning of my retinal matter in my right eye. This explains why my eyesight is very blurry, colors are dull, and I have some blind spots in my vision.

And here I thought it was all just hormonal imbalance. Of course, I initially blame all my declining health issues on hormonal imbalance. And so far, I'm batting a thousand (obviously, I jest).

After his findings, Dr. Thomas informed me that I'd have to see a Retina Specialist. But the Ophthalmologist that's at the top of his list is difficult to get into. He said that he'd try to get me in within the next two or three weeks. Shortly after I arrived home, Dr. Thomas' office called me and informed me that I have an appointment with the Retina Specialist, tomorrow, at noon.

So here we go again.

Surprisingly, though I am not looking forward to add to my already "eventful medical history", I'm not at all afraid or the least bit anxious. The first thought that came to mind was, "Should I lose my eyesight, these eyes can still see the LORD." And having that thought be the first thing to pop into my mind, was planted there by my God and Father, to set my feet on solid ground, making my steps secure; regardless of how well I can see the physical steps I take.

No matter how well I can or cannot see with these temporal and physical eyes, it has no adverse effect on how well I can or cannot see my LORD. For my God is always with me, and what He sees and perceives, is what I get to see and perceive, in Christ Jesus my Lord.

My life is not determined by anything in this world. I am not limited by any physical space or  time. I am free in Christ, to live exactly as He has ordained for me to live—in His good and perfect will.

For those of you who are led by the Holy Spirit to pray for me. Please follow His leading and not your own. Please pray as our Lord Jesus taught us to pray, for God's will and not our will. And what is His will for this? It's the same as He said in John 9:3, and so many other passages of Scripture that speak of the glory, honor, and exaltation of God and His gracious and merciful Gospel of peace. So, in that vein, please pray for me to have the courageous and loving compassion of Christ, to "see" people the way He sees them: lost or found. And pray that in so doing, that I may seek to do good to others, rather than seek comfort or any good for myself. For I already have more than I need through the glorious and inexplicable riches of Christ Jesus.

(If you're wondering, yes, this was very difficult to type. So if you see typos or strange sentence structure, that is why. And if you don't see any errors, thanks be to God!)