Struck down, but not destroyed

One of the most reassuring things in this world is knowing Christ and being known by Him—to be called by God Almighty as one of His children; to be saved by His grace through the sacrifice of His one and only Son and to live in His constant faithful love. There is nothing better than this.

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh."
~2 Corinthians 4:7-11

Though the LORD has allowed me to suffer a time of depression, knowing He is sovereign, good and loves me, brings me comfort and peace in the midst of this chemically imbalanced storm. I don't know how all this will play out and what my heavenly Father's reasons are for allowing this trial, but I do know that I can trust Him; so the reason doesn't really matter—only the One doing the reasoning does.

Daily I struggle to just get out of bed...and stay out of bed. I struggle to go for my walks and do my physical therapy exercises. I struggle to make my bed and some days I don't. I just want everything to stop because it's all just too overwhelming. Even answering an email or going out in public to run errands or go to church alone. Everything is a struggle.

Decisions are my enemy and every minute seems to hold me captive to the emptiness of each day. And in the midst of this seeming hopelessness, God's word alone has been a lamp to my feet and a light to my path (Ps 119:105). No matter where I go or what I do, the LORD is there and His word upholds me, preserves me and endures me through it all (Ps 40:11).

My days are spent in constant battle. And thanks be to God it is on my knees in prayer. Constant communication with my Savior and constantly seeking His face is all that keeps me going...but really, isn't that all that should keep any of us going?

One of the things I'm learning in the gloom of depression is that we're not as humble of a people as we ought to be. We don't have faith like children. We have faith like grown adults who've gotten to big for our britches because we've deceived ourselves into believing all the knowledge we've gained over the years have made us something greater than what we really are (Romans 12:3); making us less dependent on God and more dependent on our personal experiences.

If we only live by every word that proceeds from the mouth of the Lord, than why do so many of us know so little of it? Why is God's word not hidden in our hearts like the treasure it is? Why is it not obviously manifested in our lives as it ought to be? Are we transformed by God's word or deformed by our prideful opinions?

If not for the greatest Treasure this world has known, Jesus Christ the Lord and His Spirit dwelling in me, I know my depression would make me its slave. But since I am already a slave of Christ; a slave of righteousness, I cannot be enslaved to another. My body, my mind, my total being has been purchased with the precious blood of the Lamb of God and I trust my Good Shepherd and cry to Him at all times for help. And He helps me...every time.

"Behold, the eye of the LORD is on those who fear Him,
on those who hope in His steadfast love,
that He may deliver their soul from death
and keep them alive in famine.

Our soul waits for the LORD;
He is our help and our shield.
For our heart is glad in Him,
because we trust in his holy name.
Let your steadfast love, O LORD, be upon us,
even as we hope in You."
~Psalm 33:18-22

If you're presently going through a trial and find that you don't have the same peace and comfort I have in the midst of pain, then please contact me as I'd love to share with you, the only truth that can set you free.